That's a wrap... for 2016 at least

It is almost that time of year when South Africa shuts down, and I know I won't be blogging again before the end of 2016. What a year it has been (for the world - for me, personally, it hasn't really been that noteworthy). I look forward to it being over and I hope that 2017 includes more rational decisions in the global community.  I hope that people will be kinder and make decisions that are rational rather than from a place of fear. I hope that science will not be ignored and that Trump will turn out to not be an idiot and that Zuma will stop being one. 

However, I hope to make the most of the rest of 2016 and I hope you do too. I love this time of year, I love the sunshine, the long days, the bubbles and crisp white wines. I love that I get to see most of my family and be in touch with friends I haven't spoken to in a while. 

I am looking forward to lazy days, early morning walks on the beach, plunges into the pool and cuddles with the dogs. I am looking forward to laughing and being a tiny bit silly. I can't wait to hug my folks (and all the people I love) and eat mom's mince pies. 

I am also looking forward to 2017 and making NY resolutions that I may, or may not keep. I want to explore my beautiful country more; to swim, in rivers, seas or pools; mostly, I want to make sure that no matter the number of horrible news stories I read, that I am kinder and optimistic and proactive in speaking up for things that matter to me. 

A campsite just outside Greyton. I can't wait to find more fab
places to visit in 2017! 

So, I wish you all the very best over this festive season and I hope it is safe and happy. I hope you have fun and come back to 2017 ready to also be kinder and optimistic and proactive in speaking up for things that matter to you, because, more and more, I think we need to stop relying on someone else to sort things out and we need to make sure our voices are heard. 

OK, but MOSTLY, just have a lovely festive season and drink champagne and wear sunscreen! (Apologies to those up north - but you can enjoy mulled wine and wear... LOTS!)

Mandela Day and beyond

At least there's wine

Every couple of weeks I have opened this up to write a new post... It has, after all, been months since my last post and, weirdly, that makes me feel guilty. Yet, each time I do, I am defeated the weight of the current affairs topics. What could I say on Fees Must Fall or Turkey, Syria, Paris, Nice, Brussels or Trump, Brexit, Malema, and Zupta? Not least of all given that the premise of my blog is fairly frivolous and came about because I wanted to whine about my own troubles - not face the large troubles of the world (unless they relate to the environment).

Putting the bits of the kennel together 

I was quite excited leading up to yesterday's Mandela Day. I love the concept of having a day that reminds people to give a little back. Also, it is Winter, so I am in active pursuit of excitement. I did my 67 minutes (+... I mean it is never really 67 minutes) at a dog shelter "building" a kennel. It was great, there was sunshine (and icy wind) and lots of people all choosing wood and hammering and measuring and sawing (although thank goodness they only let the skilled people do that - I already managed to get a blood blister, I am not sure what I would have achieved with a saw). 

Here's why it is a good idea to pick up litter
(I know YOU wouldn't DROP litter in the first place but
still worth picking it up)

Then, yesterday, my Facebook feed was full of organisations that I follow posting pictures of litter pick ups, community food drives and animal shelter fund raising. It was great. It made me feel a little better about the world and the people in it. Sure, maybe it is just one day that gets people thinking about what they can do but maybe they will enjoy it so much that they will do it more often. Humans can be pretty rad! 

Look at those eyes, just imploring you to be a better person

Unfortunately, last night someone smashed by headlight which somewhat dulled my warm fuzzy, "humans are rad" feeling but I am determined not to let it go completely. Today I am going to go  try donate blood at the mobile station in Claremont (it is really easy to find out when these things happen - which puts to bed one of my excuses for not doing this before. Follow this link if you live in the Western Cape, I am sure it is as easy in other provinces). I have never donated blood before, which is something else I have always felt guilty about. Then a friend of mine mentioned how much blood is needed for cancer patients which is something I haven't thought about before. Obviously it is used in many equally deserving circumstances, but cancer has made me mad this year (David Bowie, Alan Rickman and closer to home), and this is one little thing I can do to help, so it is totally worth getting over any eekkk needle feelings. 

How are you going to keep the feeling behind the 67 minutes alive? 

P.S. I did donate blood and it wasn't at all stressful. The staff were super friendly and encouraging and even though they gave me extra time to stay sitting afterwards, I didn't feel at all like I was woozy. I definitely recommend doing it - oh and I got a free bag and pen as a first time donor!

Meanwhile, the headlight has cost me over R400, so whoever did that... you are not a rad person.

Yo-Yo

I am not the type of person that can pull off "yoh-yoh" so I am talking about dieting, unfortunately. I really don't like this as a topic, I don't like talking about my weight or what I eat (and not only because the only answer I ever think of is "sweetcorn"). I have always pictured the people that tell people they are "on diet" as high-maintenance skinny chics that eat salad and act like they understand the horrible feeling of not fitting into clothes any more. Maybe that is unfair, but I do strive to be low maintenance (if you disagree, I did say "strive"). It also seems so ridiculous, in a world where people are starving and begging for food, that other people are on diet - that particularly makes me feel icky inside. 

Unfortunately dieting is actually part of my life and so is a strong tendency to chubbiness (and a love of chocolate and wine). For as long as I can remember I have regularly complained that it is so annoying that I eat so little (and not just sweetcorn, guys) and still can't keep weight off. I reached my heaviest weight during my PhD, it snuck up on my without me realising. I know that sounds a little unbelievable but I wasn't really paying attention to my body at the time (and that is my tenuous link for writing about this here).

I was quite ashamed that I had to go on diet. I didn't really want to tell anyone. When I started, I told only a handful of people, I am not sure why. I was also scared it wouldn't work. I guess I felt like I had failed some kind of test. Unfortunately, I also knew I couldn't do it by myself. I signed up for one of those programs where the guilt of having someone else see my progress on the scale was sufficient motivation for me to behave.  And it worked, well to a point, but it did work. 

The only trouble is, I approached it begrudgingly. I didn't like having to think about what I was eating all the time. I didn't like having to worry about what I looked like all the time. It felt so shallow. And it was expensive (I find that a frustrating problem in the world, that eating healthily is more expensive than not). I didn't quite reach goal, but I was happy enough and went back to not thinking about it (much, of course I thought about it, I just didn't do anything about it). That was ~6 years ago.

And you know what, I maintained that weight give or take a bit for most of that time. And then, like a master villain, it crept up on me when I wasn't looking, again. 

So, that was a REALLY long build up to what I wanted to say. I know it is trendy to "bant/paleo" these days, but I really don't like that idea, not least because of the environmental impact of eating all that meat. I joined WeighLess (and their vegetarian plan), with some habitual resentment. It is early days, but it has made me realise that eating very little is not the way to go. Cutting out carbs, fats or fruit is also not the way to go. I don't need to approach food with resentment.

I have a soft spot for cheese too,
so far only cottage cheese on diet.

The WeighLess meal plan includes so much food that I find it a little overwhelming, but it feels healthy (obviously portions are controlled but it is much more food than I am used to). There are proper servings of fruit and veg, protein and carbs. I have avoided bread (it's rye or seed loaf but that's tastier anyway) for so long and realise now that maybe it wasn't necessary. And you know what, they add food as you reach different milestones, so I will even be allowed wine once I get to the second step! The only trouble I can see at the moment is, eating all that healthy balanced food is  still pretty expensive. 

As much as I hate the whole dieting thing, I think it is really important for people to not approach food with distrust so that's why I wanted to talk about it. I also think it shouldn't really be something I am ashamed of. And sometimes it is OK to admit that you need a hand with something. Food isn't the enemy, and neither is wine... 

STOP! Smell the roses

Life is hectic and stressful and the world is starting to feel a little like Voldemort is gaining power. There are droughts and floods and mass dies offs and increasing racism and right wing tendencies even in countries we thought we could count on to be rational and nice (Sweden, I am so disappointed).









And yet, there is also so much beauty and happiness and good in the world. I think we all need to make a proper effort to appreciate that. And I don't mean snapping a quick picture with your camera phone but really properly focusing on all the good things. I know it might sound frivolous or new age-y but, so what? We get bombarded by bad news all the time let's just take a moment to actively look for goodness and happiness.






I am not sure if it is the change in the season, but at the moment every sunset and sunrise seems to be more breathtaking than the last. If you can't find anything else to be happy about, take a moment to appreciate that.

More and more it seems that being a workaholic is something to be proud of, but really, so is being a good friend, an interesting person and someone that appreciates beauty and Pinotage. The Awkward Yeti is awesome, follow your heart! See LINK and LINK and oh, LINK.

It would have been better if I actually had a picture of roses but, funnily enough, I don't really like roses.

Bit early - NYE Resolutions

So, the end of the year is coming at break neck speed. I am pretty excited because I know I have a job for January - so next year won't start out with me feeling lost and panicked... I have gotten sidetracked already... This blog came about because one of my friends sent me this link, hoping to inspire me to make the most of time but it also made me a little sad.

Say I live until 85... and pretend I am already 33...
It sounds depressing but read on for why I worked
this out. 

While I am excited about 2016 and the possibilities it brings, there are some things in my life I still need to change. A lot of these things are hangovers from the PhD - I know that's crazy because it has been a long time since I finished with that - but it really impacted on how I spend my time. From the start of my MSc I didn't really have a holiday, weekend or evening that I didn't spend working or feeling guilty about not working. (Since I am not all that diligent, the guilty probably outweighed the actually time spent working). It is a little bit exhausting feeling guilty all the time. 

Let's say I read a book a week... That's a lot of books still
to read which is pretty cool... but there are always so
 many books out there...
Let me know what you recommend!
Also - approximately
the number of chocolates I will get to eat
(blush - another NYR could be required)...
I wouldn't want to do this with glasses of wine.

Especially during my PhD, I limited what TV series and movies I allowed myself to watch (this means that while I frequently sit awkwardly in conversations about pop culture I have never heard of, I can/do quote the series I did watch more than anyone I know - go on, ask me about Harry Potter or How I Met Your Mother (but not the last season because it was a disappointment)...), I felt guilty if I went out. It meant that I didn't exercise as often as I should - this is a crazy thing because exercise would probably have helped my body cope with stress but it isn't something I enjoy so I would hardly prioritse is in a time-limited world - right? This left me feeling unfit and disinclined to join social activities  that required exercise - a real downward spiral. Oh, I also didn't have much money, so while there are some types of exercise I do enjoy, I didn't feel like I could spend money on it. Do you know, at one stage I stopped reading books - can you imagine?? (Actually, I remember when I was doing my MSc and had field work on Robben Island, I used to love that on the ferry trip over there I had 45 minutes of guilt free reading - because I really couldn't do anything else - which is crazy because that should not have been the only time I was doing my favourite favuorite thing.)

And say I get to go to a new country every year...
53 pins seemed a lot but it was tricky to place them
and lots of pins in Europe (sorry Australia). 

Anyway, this is not limited to PhD-ers of course. People are always busy! How often do you find that it has been weeks or months since you have spoken to, never mind seen the people that you really really care about? And it isn't that it is anyone's fault, it is just a fact of hectic life and geography. I hate the the time I can spend with the people I love is limited. For me, it never feels like enough. BUT, it is the festive season/year end so not a time for sadness but active reflection: it is important that when you are with people you love that you are truly PRESENT, that you make the most of it, that you embrace every moment and treasure it (even if the moment is annoyance or frustration or impatience - because Inside Out (yes, I watch movies these days) teaches us that all emotions are important).



The link summarises with three pieces of advise: 1) Live in the same place as the people you love 2) prioritise and 3) quality matters. I can't do much about 1, I have people I love all over the world and I am sure that most people have the same problem, but you can do something about 2 and 3.

53 Christmas Trees to decorate and Enjoy

So, as you spend time with your families this festive season, be grateful you are together (even over Skype/Whatsapp/Email - technology is pretty awesome) and be present! Go swimming, eat ice cream, SMILE, listen properly and laugh sincerely and drink only good quality wine/champagne! Gosh, I sound like a hallmark card... cringe. Seriously, my 2016 resolutions are to prioritse the people and relationships in my life, to exercise (but only the fun types of exercise), to be present and to have FUN - and to continue trying to save the world of course!!!

I have over 19 thousand days to make the most of... how about you?? And I am going to start by making the most of my awesome family (which is obviously the most awesome family in the world) all being together, so I might not write for a while, happy festive season!!!  

Beer anyone?

As you can guess, my default drink is wine but I do like certain beers and I especially like the recent surge in craft brewing and all the variety that that brings. I also like all (seriously, ANY) "how to make xxxx alcohol" tours. I am fortunate to live in Cape Town where hundreds of wineries are easily accessible but I have also been to some breweries in England and a Whisky distillery in Scotland and I find the process really interesting. I promise it isn't just about the drink you invariably get at the end of the tour (especially when that drink is brandy or whisky - I have not acquired those tastes). 

This weekend we went on the SAB Brewery tour in Newlands. (I have been to the SAB tour in JHB and really enjoyed it but always thought it was a little silly that I live so close to the Newlands Brewery and have never done their tour - so, that's one tick on the CT bucket list!) The tour completely changed my perceptions on SAB and so I think I should tell you why. 

Right up front I am going to say, I am not a huge SAB beer fan. In my younger days I drank Black Label because I was trying to seem hardcore (this is difficult for me because I have chubby cheeks, a high-pitched voice and tiny fingers and even with ever increasing wrinkles I mostly just look young and on good days - I hate this - cute). Then I realised that there are much nicer things to drink and no one actually thinks you are hardcore for drinking beer anyway. And then I discovered (or my Brother-in-Law did) Goblins Bitter which was my introduction to the wonderful world of beer variety and, following that, craft beer in all its beautiful subtle varieties. 

Having said that, this tour, made me realise, that we should be drinking more SAB beer, and by the quart - because quart bottles are fully recyclable. In our world of increasing waste and overflowing landfills it is awesome to find a product that you can fully recycle. (They even give you a bottle deposit back - when did that stop with other types of bottles?) 

They also try reuse or sell on all of their by-products which is fabulous. Newlands Brewery uses clean coal burning technology, (yes, I know coal is evil, but they are keeping it clean as possible) and the excess ash goes to the cement industry. They use normal beer ingredients, of course, and try to source those ingredients locally. (Although due to regulations, they need Italian maize for Peroni - so stick with the local stuff). Once the hops and grains have been used they are sent to cattle farmers to supplement feed. Even the excess CO2 is used to make cooldrinks fizzy. 

The best thing is instead of the standard 5L water for every 1L of beer, they have adjusted their process to be 1.5L of water for every 1L of beer. (On the back of the bathroom doors at the Two Oceans Aquarium they have infographs of the amount of water that is used to make things, and the alcohol stats have always made me feel guilty because, let's face it, I am not going to stop drinking wine). The water is spring water - and actually the reason that the brewery (which was established, under a different name, shortly after Van Riebeek came to our shores) is where it is. (And you can go collect spring water from Newlands free of charge). 

Finally, after the tour and beer tasting, I was able to bring myself to ask a question about the filtering process. You see, on one brewery tour in the UK I found out that they use isinglas to filter their beers. Isinglas (I remember the name because it sounds like Isengard from Lord of the Rings) is a fish product - to be exact - the dried swim bladders of fish and given that I don't eat fish (any, ever) this horrified me. I had unwittingly been eating fish in my beer. Luckily, Newlands Brewery uses a totally fish-free filtering system (that didn't sound like a place in Lord of the Rings  so I forgot what it was called)! 

I failed to take photos of anything
other than the free drinks...
This was huge, a combination of
milk stout and
ginger and apple brutal fruit. YUM

While I was listening to the lovely and well-informed tour guide I was thinking about all the times that I have had people tell me that all the big fishing companies (insert the first name that comes to mind) are to blame for over-fishing, and how I have tried to explain that generally, the big fishing companies are the ones that stick to the rules (and work with management and science and fund research - mine included) because they have names they have to protect. They are the companies that are monitored and audited and they are the companies that can't afford a scandal. (Having said that, I am not saying what any fishing industry does is perfect, but usually I am having these conversations while trying to promote MSC, which puts the power into the consumers' hands - through peer-pressure which we all know is effective - ask the cigarette companies - but is mostly initiated by big fishing companies).  

I know that Newlands Brewery has to portray an image of responsible environmental practice (particularly given that it is in the middle of a middle-class suburban area), and I am aware that these practices help keep costs down for them so they make economic sense, but I am not judging motives, I am just glad it is happening. And I am sure someone will find ways to criticise any industry, but I think we should shout out loud about positive practices so that more and more industries start to feel the peer-pressure to do the same. 

PS Did you know, Brutal Fruit is actually BEER! They just add fruit juice - real fruit juice made from fruit they squeeze themselves - to the beer. Ditto Redds - totally beer - they add apple to the maize. 

A month in Walvis Bay

So, I didn't keep you updated at all but now it is time to catch up. I went off with hopes of sunshine and desert warmth... but, in the first couple of weeks there it was colder than I had hoped. I might be imagining it, but it definitely felt like there was only about a half hour of sun a day. Thankfully, in the second part of my month, there were many glorious weather days, and even when it was misty at the coast, the sun was shining in the desert. Besides, being really close to Humpback whales and dolphins and lots of rad wildlife and cheap wine can cheer me up even on a misty day! 

The lagoon and The PUB

I have mentioned that I have worked with the dolphin project before, but only in lovely Luderitz. (I was sure that Luderitz was warmer and sunnier but my colleagues told me that I was always cold in Luderitz too... oops, I  am clearly a whiner). It is difficult not to compare the two places, just like it was difficult not to compare the first trip to Luderitz with the second. A good and bad thing about Luderitz is that we were pretty isolated from the public while doing field work, meanwhile, in Walvis Bay, there are dozens of tour boat operators and we would launch at the waterfront to the ABBA soundtrack being played at the coffee shop next door. Thus, all the embarrassing, completely ungraceful jumps on and off the boat are in the public eye and I was less excited about wearing scruffy field work clothes but there were coffee shops that played ABBA and had with free WiFi so that made up for it (and my scruffiest field work clothes are in Cape Town). It still felt like there was only one pub (there were more I am sure but who knows where) and that didn't have the same great atmosphere as Barrels, in Luderitz, but it did have R11 wine!

The pretty Namibian Dolphin Project office
at the Walvis Bay Waterfront.
Note the cool baleen sample from a 
Sei whale that stranded in WVB.

The other fabulous thing about WVB is that sea conditions are amazing (in the mornings anyway) which is important for someone like me (how unfair to suffer from sea sickness when you are a marine biologist?). We also had a much nicer office set up where members of the public could come chat to us about whales and dolphins and tell us what an awesome job we are doing... Well... that happened sometimes at least. 

This poor shark was rescued in Henties Bay, Swakopmund
and Walvis Bay - but he kept up his friendly grin.
(There were no dolphins in stock)

Seriously though, the Namibian Dolphin Project is doing an awesome job. OK, I know that sounds like I am bragging, but I was only there for a month so I can't take any credit for the awesome stuff they are doing so it really is sincere praise. They are pretty much the only people doing work on cetaceans in Namibia and have done some great novel research. They are the point of call for the strandings network too, and during my month there now we held a number of workshops trying to get the public aware of what to do and who to call in the event of a dolphin/whale stranding. They are also the people that speak up for dolphins when Environmental Impact Assessments might otherwise ignore them. Check out their webpage for more information - but if you don't have time just trust me that they are awesome.

The two common dolphins species that are fairly resident in WVB are the Heaviside's and Bottlenose dolphins. The Heaviside's dolphin only occurs in the Benguela region (west coast of South Africa and in Namibia) and my highly scientific opinion, they are adorable! The ones in Luderitz were particularly playful and awesome to watch. In WVB they are less acrobatic but that's OK because the Bottlenose dolphins make up for it.

This is a Bottlenose dolphin fin. You can use them to ID
individuals and estimate population size.
This is just taken with my normal camera from a tour boat.

Bottlenose dolphins occur around the world, but the different populations are not necessarily mixing with each other. They are also highly social animals, and each population could have unique cultures. This makes the fact that there are fewer than 100 individuals in the Namibian population really scary. The great thing is, we saw at least 2 calves this trip and some dolphins mating. I had been hoping to do a post doc on their population genetics to see if there was any mixing with the other populations in southern Africa, but unfortunately haven't been able to secure funding yet (which is crazy because obviously I am awesome, but more importantly, these dolphins deserve some attention and protection!) 

Ruddy Turnstone

The best thing about Walvis Bay is definitely the wildlife. From the cottage we could look out on the lagoon which is home to thousands of flamingos as well as pelicans and dozens of wader species. I actually fell for a new bird species, the Ruddy Turnstone. I am not sure why in a sea of pink flamingos these LBJs caught my eye, but they are really just so cute and, AND, they actually turn stones (got to love the people that name birds).







You are pretty much guaranteed (I base this on my 2 out of 2 experiences) to see black-backed jackal near the salt works. Even the dolphins came right into the lagoon which is a much cheaper way of seeing them. Of course, if you want to have luxury encounters (i.e. they include Old Brown Sherry, delicious snacks and champagne), WVB offers a bunch of tour boat options for wild life encounters with informative guides that are a great experience but might be just a little too up close for some (fancy a seal on your lap?)

This trip was also the closest that I have even gotten (or hope to get) to a Humback whale. Unfortunately I almost never take me camera or phone on the research boat but you will have to trust me that it got VERY close. It feels a little bit unreal to think that that happened last week and now I am back in Johannesburg loving the fantastic autumnal weather and on the job hunt again.

Yip, many, many people -
it was so crowded
I didn't bother going to the top -
nothing to do with the
super soft sand and steep slope. 

PS For those of you that are thinking of going to Namibia as tourists, I highly recommend Swakopmund and a day trip or two down to Walvis Bay. Swakopmund is a beautiful little town whereas Walvis Bay is only beautiful near the lagoon and at sea. Obviously you would go to Dune 7 anyway, EVERYONE does... I suggest going during the week because then it might be a little quieter.

I have entirely failed to mention all the seals, which is
unfair because they are so much fun to watch as they
play in the waves. This is one of MANY at Cape Cross
(He had the coolest hair!).
Seriously, the tour guide comment is there is one seal for
every person in Namibia.

Load shedding silver linings

Load shedding sucks, it has huge economic consequences, is inconvenient and frustrating. It makes me feel a little embarrassed about South Africa especially when I have to cancel a Skype date with friends in UK and Canada because of it (and if you know me well, I'm obnoxiously proud of south Africa so it's incredibly frustrating to be embarrassed by load shedding and SONA2015.)

I know that load shedding can be terribly frustrating. When we had it in 2008 it wasn't that well scheduled, and I had put a 96 well PCR in. You can imagine how frustrating it is to lose that especially when I actually got bands on that gel - and had no way to recreate the conditions - I am sure they weren't real bands, but as you can see, I still remember that plate (I had SUCH troubles with my PCRs in my PhD - optimisation heartbreaks). Now, I think, the scheduling is a little better, usually where it deviates, we get less load shedding than planned, which isn't something to moan about.  

So, it's Sunday night and we're sitting outside drinking chilled white wine until the sun goes down. It is a beautiful still evening. And, this is the first time we have actually had load shedding in a couple of weeks. Load shedding sucks but wow the stars and moon are brighter. Candle light is beautiful and the world seems quieter (unless there's a generator near by).

I think there might even be some good that comes out of load shedding. It makes people appreciate electricity and think about it as precious and worth saving. It starts serious conversations about alternative energy and some people are even starting to invest in solar panels which is definitely a good thing. It forces people to stop their electronic and TV addictions (although I'm emailing myself during load shedding on my phone - just in case I forget these thoughts - so that does rather contradict what I am saying).

When we had to pay for plastic bags, people started to bring re-usable bags. When petrol got expensive, people (for a while) drove slower and were a little more petrol conscious.  Granted, people get used to things quickly and eventually just handed over the extra cash for the plastic bag or petrol, but people thought about things for a while, and some people stuck with the reusable bags, the slower driving. So maybe in a small way, load shedding will make, at least some people, slightly more energy conscious.

There's always a silver lining.  So instead of ranting about load shedding on Facebook try enjoy the moment. Go outside and look at the beautiful stars, light a fire and have a braai, practice low-light photography, make a phone call to someone you haven't spoken to in a while - try doing something that doesn't require electricity for the 2 hours you will be in the dark. For me, it is now time to actually enjoy the candle light, wine and quality time playing trivial pursuit (and the wine!) 

PhD Singleton

I have had the thought of writing this blog for a very long time but for some completely inexplicable reason I feel more vulnerable and exposed writing about being single than I do writing about being brokenhearted (which took up two blog posts) or having to re-write my PhD or even losing someone I love. But, since Valentine's Day is coming up - and I already did one of those optimistic blogs about all the things I love last year - I thought I would actually talk about being single and doing a PhD (after all, I am no longer even doing a PhD so that half of the equation is in the past). I am quite content being single, but is my reluctance to write about it because I perceive there to be a stigma associated with being over thirty and single? I hope not... Although I do like that I can put "Dr" instead of "Miss" on forms now. 

I actually got the idea from the PHD COMICS Facebook page (You all know I love PHD COMICS - I mentioned it in the optimistic Valentine's Day post last year). The topic they were discussing was: 

"What is your experience being single in grad school? Tell us your stories." 

There were plenty of responses along this line: 

"Find someone before starting, otherwise end up as the unemployed overeducated catlady." 

But I really liked this comment most:

"My daughter may not have an m.r.s. but she'll have a Ph.D., and that lasts forever."

Of course liking that line doesn't mean that I want to be single forever either - and saying that doesn't mean that I will judge the success of my life based on whether or not I get married. 

In the first part of my PhD I did actually have a boyfriend, and quite a serious one at that. When we broke up it took a while to get over him and so for a while I wasn't interested in looking for anything else. Funny thing though, when I was over him, I actually still wasn't interested in looking for anyone else. Doing a PhD takes up a lot of time, and so I was grateful that I didn't have the extra distraction of wanting to spend time with a boyfriend (does that make me sound terrible?) I enjoyed having my free time to myself or to spend with my friends. I was pleased that if I was working late or on the weekend I wasn't resenting the work as time away from the boyfriend (which is what happened when I was in a relationship).  

I am quite an independent person and enjoy being the sole dictator of how I spend my time (and I have mentioned before, I am glad to not have to watch hockey games on cold Winter evenings anymore - not that I didn't want to do it at the time). I also find that I need time alone to stay sane (which is possible in a relationship too, of course). I also like that because I am single I make decisions about my future (geographically speaking) that are purely selfish. So, I am a pretty happy singleton at any time but I want to be honest. While I was doing my PhD I didn't have head space to meet someone new. I didn't have time. I didn't have the inclination. I didn't actually even go out to places where meeting someone would be a possibility. I was grateful that my PhD could come first in my life - even if it drove me a little bit crazy (and it probably didn't come as first in my life as it should have, I do love spending time with my friends). I suspect, that might be true for a lot of PhDers. If this is making you - as a current single PhDers - feel sad, I know of some friends that did manage to meet new people during the course of their PhD so don't lose hope. And here is further reason for hope... one day... even though it is very hard to believe... you will finish your PhD and LIFE will carry on. Isn't that an amazing thought. I am still not sure if I believe I am done (although I do have the mug to prove it).

Great gift!!!

And while finishing your PhD might not mean that you have loads of extra time (because of course you will find a job or get a post doc that keeps you busy - see, I am all about hope) it will hopefully mean that you can allow something else to come first in your life. For me, right now, I think what should be coming first in my life is me... I am enjoying having the time to go to yoga and go for walks (with the JHB dogs) and read lots and lots of books. After all, I hopefully will soon be very busy learning the ropes at a new job/post doc. As far as relationships go... well I would rather first know where I will be in the next 6 months, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see... 

I think one of the reasons that I was hesitant to write this blog is because while I am single, it is not how I define myself. I have always felt it frustrating when listening to people that are just so desperate to be in a couple that it is their primary focus (also those "I wish I had a boyfriend" conversations get a little bit boring). I believe that what you achieve in the world should be how you define yourself, not whether or not you are married. I also felt frustrated when people do the Bridget Jones "when are you going to get married then?" thing because I feel that there is so much more happening in my life. Still, Valentine's Day is the one day of a year when it is inevitable to be defined be your relationship status. BUT Valentine's Day also means the end of my alcohol free month - got to love that - so Happy Valentines Day indeed! 

On holiday or Unemployed?

So, I have finished my PhD, and I think I deserve a holiday, a proper, really-not-even-going-to-bring-papers-that-I-will-never-read, holiday. It turns out that this is not that easy to do. First of all, it took me a while to stop feeling like I needed to be on campus all the time. And in fact, I didn't really succeed in that until I got on a plane with my folks up to KZN. Even then, I couldn't help feeling guilty that I wasn't working. And worse than that, was the fact that I didn't have a job to work on (OK, not strictly true - job hunting is pretty full time and I still have papers that need to be published... in fact, eekkk, lots to do). 

And, to be honest, everything was really busy leading up to graduation and then VERY soon after that there was Christmas, so it all felt like GO GO GO. Now, I have settled in to being quite lazy and reading MANY books and having lovely daily (more often than not, twice daily - the afternoon walks were started while I was still very much in a GO GO GO frame of mind. I find that those frames of mind are also useful for getting weird things like door/wall washing done) walks on the beach (the dogs insist). 

Now that I am thoroughly in the lazy (beach bum) frame of mind, it is difficult to get myself to focus on writing up papers and sending my precious little CV into the world of rejectability (the pool is 28 degrees... the beach in 200m away - it is heaven and I am  only human!) BUT, the point is, whatever frame of mind I have been in, in the back of my head, instead of feeling like a well-deserved holiday, I can't help feeling that I am actually just unemployed. It turns out that an essential part of being on holiday is the knowledge that your holiday has to end and you have something that you have to get back to. It doesn't help that people keep telling you: "something will come" because I am the type of person that likes to know where I am going to be in 6 months time (and then spontaneously do something different). 

The daunting prospect of finding a job puts a real damper on suntanning (OK, I never suntan, who in their right minds suntans now that we know about skin cancer and wrinkles?) (Of course, the MASSIVE storm that is brewing at the moment is also putting a damper on things). The rejection letters don't help either. One funding prospect felt it is OK to reject an application right before Christmas - have they no heart. And articles like this one about your career in science costing you first born don't help either. It truly is daunting, thinking about whether I would want to live in Texas (turns out, they didn't want me to live in Texas), Qatar or stick in the place you know and love. And even with the PhD, what do I really know how to do? What can I legitimately apply for? When would I be selling myself short? (And I have during the course of writing this had another rejection letter from a job that I was definitely over qualified for.) Who can I outsource this panic too?

Still, I haven't had a real holiday with no guilt attached in probably ten years and I am in a beautiful place with my very patient and generous parents. As much as I am in a complete panic about what the future will bring, where I will be living and how I will start paying for a pension fund (not to mention boring things like rent, medical aid, insurance etc), I am determined to appreciate the fact that for once, I can relax and read (in the shade - liberally covered in suntan lotion) The papers are happening slowly, but I think, at least until the end of next week, that that's OK. And it is beautiful here so I thought I would share some of my photos. 

However, what ever else I was going to say in this blog has fled my mind as the sound of thunder grows louder. I have seen too many modems go up in smoke during a thunderstorm to sit happily on my computer in a storm. (Yes, feel free to hate me if you are sitting writing your thesis... but I suspect that since it is after 4pm on a Friday your time would be better spent at the pub).

I guess I will just have to go and read my book... I think that the afternoon walk is a no-go... I haven't seen weather like this in ages.