Magic Faraway Tree

Authentic photo of my view -
can you spot the magic faraway tree?

There is a tree that I can just see out the window (if I lean back and swivel a little) of my office in Kirstenbosch. It is weirdly taller than everything around it. I could, I suppose walk to it one day to see if it is because it is on a little mound or if it really is just huge, but I like to think of it as just a huge tree looking down at all the other trees. When I started here, it was bare of leaves and stood out like a majestic Winter Monarch. (Although in those days, I wasn't at the window desk so I had to walk over to the window to see it or go upstairs for tea - but it was Winter so I was drinking lots of tea). Even without leaves it was striking but as what passes for Spring in Cape Town approached, it started to get those light almost neon green leaves, just a scattering at first and then over all its fingers. Now, not only does the sun shine finally shine through the window, but the tree is covered in a thick coat of dark green and stands out against the lush mountain slopes behind it.

I know that that was a long paragraph to describe a tree, but the thing is I have become quite fond of that tree. And not just the tree, but having an office on the side of a mountain that is as moody as it is beautiful. I love being able to predict how long from when the rain starts falling that the waterfall will start cascading down the ravine - that is of course when I can see the mountain through the clouds. I love that during the course of the day the shadows seem to highlight different portions of the mountain (although I didn't love it when the sun disappeared completely at 3 pm in the depths of Winter).  I love that the trees right on the top of the mountain look like Lego trees and that the rocks change colour. I want to giggle gleefully every time I drive home because I have the mountain on my right and the whole of Cape Town spread out for me on the left (it is also good in the morning when the Stellenbosch mountains are waking up with the sun - but I tend to be more distracted in the morning). On that note though, I also LOVE that the drive here is so short and that finding parking is so easy!  I also love having my office to myself (at least some of the time) and that I get to write on a big white board in four different colours!!!

All this exuberant happiness is bubbling to the surface because it is SUMMER! This part of the year feels a little like downhill cycle (I have not been on a bicycle for ten years, blush, but I remember liking that feeling) towards (dare I say it?) Champagne season. To be completely honest, this has been a tough week, I have found the protests personally emotionally draining for reasons I can't quite articulate because I have not been involved in them or directly affected by them (nor do I want to comment on them so I am going to stop there). I  have been rejected from another job post interview - which is quite a feat actually because I have only applied for two things since starting at IOI-SA, maybe it was three. And I have started to realise that soon I am going to have to acknowledge that my end of contract date (24 December) isn't that far away and I need to be proactive about finding work (AGAIN).   

Summer sunset concerts and long sunshiny days

And YET, these warm long days fill me with happiness. Soon I will be going to visit my folks for long walks on the beach and two of my favourite friends that I haven't seen in far too long will also be there. One of my favourite friends from Canada is also in town at the moment for a conference which is really exciting. I also feel like people start to come out of hibernation (or maybe it is just that I come out of hibernation) and start organising things to make the most of the fabulous weather, the very air starts to smell of braai smoke, jasmine and sunshine. There are exciting things happening in town, the open air movies, summer sunset concerts and because it is an El Nino year we might even be able to swim in the sea without loosing toes (I am trying to find a tiny positive in a global weather phenomenon that is likely to cause drought and possibly other horrible things that I am not insensitive to I promise!) And then, (dare I actually say it) there is Christmas in 9 weeks and my family will be together which is the most anyone could ask Santa for (but looking forward to the pool and braais and champagne too!) 

So, with sunscreen on, let's make the most of the sunshine and happiness... (Regardless what happens on Saturday evening - but holding thumbs for a Bok win!)

Bright eyed and bushy tailed

The whole (this isn't the word I wanted but can't think of another) glamour of the PhD thing wore pretty thin after a couple of months of unemployment. It doesn't come up that much in casual conversation but the "what do you do?" question does.

So although this blog isn't about how to survive a PhD, it is about surviving the next step (and let's face it, I'm finished now so most of my blogs aren't going to be about surviving PhD anymore but rather about surviving WITH a PhD). I have spoken about my feelings for interviews before, so imagine my stress levels when I flew down to Cape Town for two interviews on a Monday afternoon a couple of weeks back. I was worried about my performance in the one interview because I was feeling a bit deaf in one ear and didn't feel like I was really sparkly enough. I also heard myself saying something along the lines of wanting to save the world and cringed (hopefully only in my head but my expressions sometimes do things without asking). 

The other interview was exactly the reason not to like interviews. I would hardly call myself arrogant so did not see any reason for someone to be almost antagonistic about the whole PhD thing. It is a difficult thing when you are applying for something that doesn't require a PhD to get the balance between confident/capable (so therefore you should hire me because really I am fantastic) and not drawing attention to how over qualified you are. Let's make this one thing clear though, PhD's are not just for people trying to avoid the real world... This is an example of how the questions went: 

Question: "How good is you knowledge about marine science."

Answer (feeling: "yay I can do this one"): I feel confident about my knowledge in marine science. 

Response: "People with real knowledge know they still have so much to learn"... ???????

Of course it wasn't all his being antagonistic that made that interview awful, I also completely choked when he asked me to explain, in Afrikaans, how to catch invasive crabs.

Being back in Cape Town helped me get over the stress because I was quickly distracted with catching up with my friends once the interviews were done. And what helped even more was when, 1.5 weeks later (after three rejection letters, that didn't get to interview stage, in the meantime) I finally got an email that said yes!!!!

The best thing is that it is an organisation that does just the sorts of things that make me excited to be working for them. I hadn't heard of it before (and neither had a lot of people I've spoken to) so I'll be telling you all about it soon. It is only a short term contract but I couldn't be happier. The NGO is called IOI-SA (the South African branch of international oceans institute) and I am really excited to get some experience with an NGO and governance issues. I hope it is a step in a great direction.

And I promise my excitement isn't just because I will be working at one of the most beautiful places in Cape Town (Kirstenbosch) and it's only 4.2 km from home.

P.S. Things would have been very different for me if I hadn't had such a supportive family looking after me while I job hunted. I don't mean just by feeding me, they also believed in me and didn't let me give up on pursuing a job I could feel passionate about. I loved my month in Ramsgate and my time in Johannesburg and in Walvis Bay. Even though I was frustrated that I wasn't out saving the world (in some small way), spending time with my family is a treasured luxury. Thanks universe.

Carpe Diem

Kolmanskop Ghost Town

In 2012 when I thought I would OBVIOUSLY be finished my thesis soon, an opportunity arose to do some volunteer work in Namibia. I applied, I met the awesome people I would be working with and they said yes. Simple as that - of course it wasn't because I didn't finish the thesis in time. There was some or other reason, or maybe there wasn't, but the thesis wasn't done and it was a big decision as to whether or not to still go to Namibia. 

Although, in a way, it wasn't. I had said I was going to go and had committed to two months up there and this was a chance to volunteer, in a place I have never been to before, on dolphins. (It also meant escaping Cape Town Winter for a bit) Rad! I love going to new places and doing new things so, of course I went. 

Namtib - our weekend camping spot

This wasn't a completely smooth process, it involved a very early flight on a very wet and cold morning and a forgotten-at-home passport and bad packing but once I got there it was obviously awesome (especially after I bought sunglasses). I loved Luderitz, the people I met and the work that the Namibian Dolphin Project was doing there. We had loads of fun at Barrels, on the boat and in the office (which used to be a mortuary - before it became part of the Namibian Ministry of Fisheries and Marine Resources). 

It truly was two months that I will never forget and never regret. I wrote a blog about it even... (this was obviously before I had this blog) and my friends and family had to endure long gushing emails. I had a week off and got to explore parts of Namibia I had barely heard of thanks to a dear friend living up there. I was treated to a night in Etosha with all the magic that brings including a lion kill that I didn't quite capture on camera (I can be such a wolly, I only pressed the record button after it was finished - so I didn't record it and I spent the whole time diligently watching it through my lens because I thought I was recording).

Kolmanskop

Driving through the desert

Namibia is a country like no other (with the disclaimer that I haven't been to any other desert countries - unless you count the airports in Dubai and Doha which I suspect I am not allowed to). There is so much space. Luderitz is like an island of civilisation in the middle of the desert. I was thrilled to meet the northern contingent of the African Penguin population and the awesome lady that looks after them. I have never seen so many dolphins, or large seabirds for that matter. I had certainly never followed a whale at speed through thick offshore mist before. Visiting a ghost town with sand flooded rooms but perfectly-preserved wall paper (of questionable taste) and being dwarfed at sea by dunes of golden sand will change your perspective on the world.

Between Swakop and Walvis

Then... in 2013 I had the opportunity to go again for a month. Of course, this time I had finished the thesis (for the moment). In fact, I handed in the day before I was due to drive to Luderitz. (This meant I had a very subdued celebration of the handing in - which is probably a good thing, considering that I would have another chance to celebrate handing in in 2014). 

Adorable Lucas - the new
dolphinologist

That month was awesome too. It was great to see the Luderitz locals again and its seasonal visitors of course. The team was a little different and we had an adorable new member, although he wasn't much help with the data entry and a crazy manic new member that was very good at finding interesting bone samples. It was a great way to pretend to be human after finishing off the thesis. This is definitely something I would recommend - do something completely different after you finish your thesis so that you can get out of the thesis funk and realise the world is bigger than your PhD. I also recommend taking nice long drives through a desert with cool music (which in my case is music you can sing along to - even if very badly).

Near the border

Near the border

Last time I was in Walvis Bay -
a misty day trip from
Swakopmund in May 2009. 

When I was offered the opportunity to help out with dolphin field work this April, I had to say yes. This is not only because the dolphin work and the dolphinologists are so awesome, but also because I am trying very hard to get funding to do some dolphin population genetics research of my own and it will be great to see the northern half of the Namibian Dolphin Project. This time I will be based in Walvis Bay, and while I will miss the Luderitz-ites, Barrels and the mortuary I am excited about visiting a new place. I have, technically, been to Walvis Bay before, but only on a day trip when I was in Swakopmund for some PhD work. It was quite misty and cold on that day, but I am hoping for some more sunshine and happiness that I associate with Namibia. I think that I would call being able to take up this opportunity another perk of unemployment (although the job/funding hunt continues). I will, of course, keep you updated.

On holiday or Unemployed?

So, I have finished my PhD, and I think I deserve a holiday, a proper, really-not-even-going-to-bring-papers-that-I-will-never-read, holiday. It turns out that this is not that easy to do. First of all, it took me a while to stop feeling like I needed to be on campus all the time. And in fact, I didn't really succeed in that until I got on a plane with my folks up to KZN. Even then, I couldn't help feeling guilty that I wasn't working. And worse than that, was the fact that I didn't have a job to work on (OK, not strictly true - job hunting is pretty full time and I still have papers that need to be published... in fact, eekkk, lots to do). 

And, to be honest, everything was really busy leading up to graduation and then VERY soon after that there was Christmas, so it all felt like GO GO GO. Now, I have settled in to being quite lazy and reading MANY books and having lovely daily (more often than not, twice daily - the afternoon walks were started while I was still very much in a GO GO GO frame of mind. I find that those frames of mind are also useful for getting weird things like door/wall washing done) walks on the beach (the dogs insist). 

Now that I am thoroughly in the lazy (beach bum) frame of mind, it is difficult to get myself to focus on writing up papers and sending my precious little CV into the world of rejectability (the pool is 28 degrees... the beach in 200m away - it is heaven and I am  only human!) BUT, the point is, whatever frame of mind I have been in, in the back of my head, instead of feeling like a well-deserved holiday, I can't help feeling that I am actually just unemployed. It turns out that an essential part of being on holiday is the knowledge that your holiday has to end and you have something that you have to get back to. It doesn't help that people keep telling you: "something will come" because I am the type of person that likes to know where I am going to be in 6 months time (and then spontaneously do something different). 

The daunting prospect of finding a job puts a real damper on suntanning (OK, I never suntan, who in their right minds suntans now that we know about skin cancer and wrinkles?) (Of course, the MASSIVE storm that is brewing at the moment is also putting a damper on things). The rejection letters don't help either. One funding prospect felt it is OK to reject an application right before Christmas - have they no heart. And articles like this one about your career in science costing you first born don't help either. It truly is daunting, thinking about whether I would want to live in Texas (turns out, they didn't want me to live in Texas), Qatar or stick in the place you know and love. And even with the PhD, what do I really know how to do? What can I legitimately apply for? When would I be selling myself short? (And I have during the course of writing this had another rejection letter from a job that I was definitely over qualified for.) Who can I outsource this panic too?

Still, I haven't had a real holiday with no guilt attached in probably ten years and I am in a beautiful place with my very patient and generous parents. As much as I am in a complete panic about what the future will bring, where I will be living and how I will start paying for a pension fund (not to mention boring things like rent, medical aid, insurance etc), I am determined to appreciate the fact that for once, I can relax and read (in the shade - liberally covered in suntan lotion) The papers are happening slowly, but I think, at least until the end of next week, that that's OK. And it is beautiful here so I thought I would share some of my photos. 

However, what ever else I was going to say in this blog has fled my mind as the sound of thunder grows louder. I have seen too many modems go up in smoke during a thunderstorm to sit happily on my computer in a storm. (Yes, feel free to hate me if you are sitting writing your thesis... but I suspect that since it is after 4pm on a Friday your time would be better spent at the pub).

I guess I will just have to go and read my book... I think that the afternoon walk is a no-go... I haven't seen weather like this in ages.

Head up!

One of the things I marvel at in life, is the way different people perceive their value. I'm fully aware that I lack a certain assertiveness (depending on the environment - I have been known to boss people around, just a little... ) and I am actively working on it (just ask the poor people at Pick 'n Pay customer service) although I often tend to feel guilty when I make a fuss... (which I only ever do in a polite way, of course). 

I marvel at people that have an innate sense of their personal worth, who don't feel the need to apologise for taking up floor space or having an opinion (damn that involuntary blush!) or using up someone's time. I marvel that there are people, friends of mine, that don't understand if I feel guilty if I dither in a queue, or that I inevitably rush my doctors appointments because I am concerned I have trespassed too long on their time (despite paying a hefty sum for that time). I wonder how many people in the Business Sciences feel the same way... 

Of course, none of this really matters in a day to day world because I am quite good at faking assertiveness from time to time, but it all comes to a head when I am looking for jobs... I read the requirements and can instantly despair at all the requirements I do not meet where as other people, presumably, don't let that begin to concern them. I'm stumped before I start. I recently put forward a reference for myself (that the actual referee will hopefully edit and approve) and found it to be one of the most difficult tasks I had to do that week (and that's AFTER Googling "how to write a reference"). 

I remember reading  somewhere (in some reliable peer-reviewed resource like the Cosmopolitan Magazine) that men are more likely to apply for jobs for which they don't meet all the criteria than women and are therefore (obviously) more likely to get the position. Although I think that making it a gender issue over-simplifies things because I know women that believe that the things will just work out for them for no other reason than they deserve it, and sometimes (crucially not always) it does, and sometimes (again, not always) they do deserve it. 

I have mentioned that I am a compulsive volunteer, so I am so used to working for free, that the whole concept of being paid seems a huge bonus that I am excessively grateful for, even though I do, in fact, deserve it. And because I am currently unemployed (well, other than that short-term contract I started today and the PhD I am writing up) I am struggling to force myself to not apply for the positions that are offering a salary that would barely cover rent, even though it is more than I am being paid at the moment, I have decided that my time is worth something, with or without the PhD. (Please please please don't let that mean I am unemployed for ever!) 

So, as we move from eternal post-grad students, to real adults, how do we define our worth? As desperate as I am for a job in my field, I don't want to be taken advantage of. I acknowledge my lack of work experience, but hope that my qualifications count for something. I see the scarcity of jobs and hear about the science funding cuts around the world, but don't want to get stuck somewhere where I am undervalued. How do we find balance between job security and meaningfully contributing to society/conservation (because obviously I am not doing this just for money, otherwise I would have studied something in the Commerce faculty but I do need to start saving for a pension - eekkk* terrifying thought)? '

How do the timid PhD survivors, with their self esteem in tatters post-PhD, define themselves in the real world? Or is that what post-docs are for?

*How is that the first "eeekk" in my blog about surviving a PhD?

Rather don't ask

The way I see it, there are two "don't go there" questions (maybe three if you include: "what year are you in"). The first: "when are you going to finish?" - As if you weren't feeling inadequate and pressured enough, people think it is okay to remind you that you are way over deadline and still don't have a job  (I am sure that this doesn't go through their heads when they ask the question, but it is what goes through my head when I am asked and is in the back of my head all the time anyway.) This leads me to the second question: "what are you going to do when you finish?" And, I suspect, that the only reason this is such an emotionally charged question is that, mostly, we have no idea. 

I desperately hope it will something more than getting a job at Pick 'n Pay (in the hope of a staff discount) but the trouble is, I really don't know. I have ideas of what I want to do and vague notions of what I am qualified to do and I have memories of why I started on this path in the first place, but it is not all that realistic to go knock on Captain Planet's door and say: "I am ready to save the world now - do you offer medical aid?" 

What ends up happening is you end up sending all your hopes out in the form of a CV for positions you are probably over-qualified for, but are not sure you have the skills  for (despite a lengthy EDUCATION). I have already gone through thinking that I have finished my PhD once, so I have had some experience in looking for work which, has mostly resulted in deafening silent, some rejection straight off or after a telephone interview and in another instant after a panel interview (incidentally, for my DREAM, wow-that-would-be-awesome job.) 

I decided I could do with some help on my CV. Coincidentally, one of my favourite UCT academics was discussing how dozens of CVs are sent in for each advertised post, and the tiny details are all that separates the candidates (he compared it to the milli seconds that separate the Olympic runner that wins, gets a gold, and everyone knows there name to the one that comes second). So, I roped him in to coming to talk to our post grad group about how to optimise our CVs. It was a really useful meeting and I thought I would pass some of his tips on... (I will spare you the story of how one of his PhDs did NOT get a UCT Post doc despite 15 publications - no one wants to hear that!) 

Obviously, the judging of CVs is a very subjective thing and everyone has different preferences, this is what Charlie suggested... 

• Use a big heading that includes your name.
• People differ in opinion on whether to include a photo or not, if you do, use a head and shoulders shot that clearly shows your face. 
• Limit the number of pages - consider the fact that the people looking through the CVs will have a lot to read through. 
• Include your date of birth, ID, nationality. 
• Include your academic record (marks too, particularly if your marks show either a consistent or upward trend). The level of the job for which you are applying will determine how far back you go. 
• Every time you include some thing, consider whether it is going to impress or not. 
• In early stages of career include the presentations and conferences you have attended and the drop off the less important ones as you go on, to eventually only included the key note presentations (ahhh imagine!!!)
• Unusual work or experience gets noticed and remembered, which is important when you are just a piece of paper amongst dozens. 
• So do things that show initiative.
• If you write a personal statement, you give the people reading your CV an insight into you that is not just factual. It is the bit that will show your personality and give you space to explain why, for example, you are applying for a job you are, on paper, over-qualified for or why you have not specialised in one particular field. 
• Something to keep in mind always is that the community is probably smaller than you realise, so your reputation is everything... 

Obviously there are many sites on line that can help you design a CV. UCT (and therefore I am guessing most other institutions) also has a career advice center that can help you with perfecting the flimsy document that is all that represents you in the job world. If it all feels a little overwhelming, I am trying to keep in mind that I am standing on the precipice of a whole new adventure... Good luck with yours and please, wish my luck with mine. :)  

OR....