Breakup survival #2

Supporting Ghana at Loftus

So, in my previous post, I told you some examples of how everyone else was amazing, but now I want to tell you some of the things I did to cope.

• I stopped listening to music radio; music tends to be either about love or heartbreak and I couldn't handle any one else's emotions on top of my own. I had my fabulous compilation of angry chic music (thanks +Kerri and +Chris ) but I also listened to News/Talk radio instead (702/Cape Talk) and was more informed than I've been in ages (*unexpected bonus*)

• I decided to say YES to every opportunity that came my way. This meant going to parties I would previously have made excuses to avoid - for no good reason! I volunteered for a local branch of a political party (and, incidentally, still do) where I met people I would never have otherwise met. Through this I went to houses straight out of magazines, saw Helen Zille and got to drive ladies that had been alive in WW2 to voting stations (AMAZING!) On the flip side of this, I also went to help at a by-election in the heart of the Cape Flats, where I saw 2 children and a dog squabbling over a piece of food someone had nonchalantly tossed to the floor. It is hard to feel self pity at moments like that. 

Fortuitously, it was also the year South Africa hosted the Football World Cup and I went BIG! Admittedly, this didn't do wonders for my PhD, but it did make me very happy and I have awesome memories from this period. It would have been a very different world cup if I had been in a relationship (much less partying to all hours, I am sure) and I wouldn't have spent so much time with the lovely +Dayne Davey . 

• One of the less glamorous moments also lead to good things. (Let me remind you, I was a mess, and would quietly skulk into my office just trying not to cry, I shudder to think of it now). My boyfriend was in the same department as me, so we had tended to have lunch together and he was often the only person that I exchanged more than a greeting with the whole day (super diligent, QUIET office). One day, one of my office mates innocently said the usual, "hi" and I promptly burst into tears. From then on we actually chatted to each other, socialised outside work and work was a much happier place for me. I also started to go to departmental tea - and have never stopped. Now I look forward to seeing so many people I count as friends at work every day.  (*unexpected bonus*)

Hitting back at the world
on a night out in Knysna

• I went to Knysna for an awesome weekend with friends... and... I kissed a twenty year old. When you kiss a 20 year (so scandalous) in a night club, it's as though the whole world disappears and all that exists is that kiss. I had forgotten that I miss kissing like that.  (*unexpected bonus*) and the best part is, I went home with the friends I love, to (unadvisedly) finish another bottle of wine (I blame +Dayne). 

Being single also gave me time to devote to lots of activities, including a very rewarding year being post grad rep. for our department, some really big nights out, quality time with friends I had neglected, making new friends and yes, inevitably, more time on my thesis. It also started me wearing mascara (under my cousin Sandra's insistence - she said it would help me face the world if I feel attractive, there was a new hairstyle at this point too) and I still wear it; I almost think of it as war paint to face the day. (No idea what the male equivalent would be???) 

A long term perk of my (persistent) singledom is that I when the crucial "what next" question rears its ugly, persistent head, I only have to think about me, which sounds selfish, but really opens up the world. I don't think it's necessarily that fate hands you a teaspoon of sugar to help the rough times go down, but more that you are open to new worlds when your comfortable, rut-world implodes. 

I love the Lady Julia Grey books by Deanna Raybourn, and included an extract from the first one (Silent in the Grave) in my previous blog, but I LOVE  this extract even more.