Bit early - NYE Resolutions

So, the end of the year is coming at break neck speed. I am pretty excited because I know I have a job for January - so next year won't start out with me feeling lost and panicked... I have gotten sidetracked already... This blog came about because one of my friends sent me this link, hoping to inspire me to make the most of time but it also made me a little sad.

Say I live until 85... and pretend I am already 33...
It sounds depressing but read on for why I worked
this out. 

While I am excited about 2016 and the possibilities it brings, there are some things in my life I still need to change. A lot of these things are hangovers from the PhD - I know that's crazy because it has been a long time since I finished with that - but it really impacted on how I spend my time. From the start of my MSc I didn't really have a holiday, weekend or evening that I didn't spend working or feeling guilty about not working. (Since I am not all that diligent, the guilty probably outweighed the actually time spent working). It is a little bit exhausting feeling guilty all the time. 

Let's say I read a book a week... That's a lot of books still
to read which is pretty cool... but there are always so
 many books out there...
Let me know what you recommend!
Also - approximately
the number of chocolates I will get to eat
(blush - another NYR could be required)...
I wouldn't want to do this with glasses of wine.

Especially during my PhD, I limited what TV series and movies I allowed myself to watch (this means that while I frequently sit awkwardly in conversations about pop culture I have never heard of, I can/do quote the series I did watch more than anyone I know - go on, ask me about Harry Potter or How I Met Your Mother (but not the last season because it was a disappointment)...), I felt guilty if I went out. It meant that I didn't exercise as often as I should - this is a crazy thing because exercise would probably have helped my body cope with stress but it isn't something I enjoy so I would hardly prioritse is in a time-limited world - right? This left me feeling unfit and disinclined to join social activities  that required exercise - a real downward spiral. Oh, I also didn't have much money, so while there are some types of exercise I do enjoy, I didn't feel like I could spend money on it. Do you know, at one stage I stopped reading books - can you imagine?? (Actually, I remember when I was doing my MSc and had field work on Robben Island, I used to love that on the ferry trip over there I had 45 minutes of guilt free reading - because I really couldn't do anything else - which is crazy because that should not have been the only time I was doing my favourite favuorite thing.)

And say I get to go to a new country every year...
53 pins seemed a lot but it was tricky to place them
and lots of pins in Europe (sorry Australia). 

Anyway, this is not limited to PhD-ers of course. People are always busy! How often do you find that it has been weeks or months since you have spoken to, never mind seen the people that you really really care about? And it isn't that it is anyone's fault, it is just a fact of hectic life and geography. I hate the the time I can spend with the people I love is limited. For me, it never feels like enough. BUT, it is the festive season/year end so not a time for sadness but active reflection: it is important that when you are with people you love that you are truly PRESENT, that you make the most of it, that you embrace every moment and treasure it (even if the moment is annoyance or frustration or impatience - because Inside Out (yes, I watch movies these days) teaches us that all emotions are important).



The link summarises with three pieces of advise: 1) Live in the same place as the people you love 2) prioritise and 3) quality matters. I can't do much about 1, I have people I love all over the world and I am sure that most people have the same problem, but you can do something about 2 and 3.

53 Christmas Trees to decorate and Enjoy

So, as you spend time with your families this festive season, be grateful you are together (even over Skype/Whatsapp/Email - technology is pretty awesome) and be present! Go swimming, eat ice cream, SMILE, listen properly and laugh sincerely and drink only good quality wine/champagne! Gosh, I sound like a hallmark card... cringe. Seriously, my 2016 resolutions are to prioritse the people and relationships in my life, to exercise (but only the fun types of exercise), to be present and to have FUN - and to continue trying to save the world of course!!!

I have over 19 thousand days to make the most of... how about you?? And I am going to start by making the most of my awesome family (which is obviously the most awesome family in the world) all being together, so I might not write for a while, happy festive season!!!  

My favourite month

Words are powerful tools that can create worlds, bring fictional characters to life and into your heart, weave magic and beauty, but there are some tasks that words are inadequate for - or at least my power to yield them is inadequate - particularly when I am talking about something sad in a blog that is meant to embrace optimism... Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words... but I have to try.

My favourite beach 

This week was my birthday, a happy day spent travelling back from a weekend with my folks and one of my favourite ladies (thanks to their amazing generosity). An evening that was spent drinking champagne, eating beer bread and decorating cookies - bliss.

BUT 

This week would also have been my cousin's birthday... I have mentioned my cousin a couple of times in this blog and in "The other F word" I told you that she had passed away - two innocent, innocuous words for a world of sorrow and change.






I have always treasured that our birthdays were in the same month, just a couple of days apart. I am a few years younger than my sisters and cousins, and often felt as though I missed out a bit on growing up together and the closeness that that (being in school together, graffiti-ing the patio, early days of clubbing, first kisses etc) brings. (There was no small amount of hero-worshiping of my older sisters and cousins, you can tell and it grew into a deep love and respect as I got older...) So, it may seem silly, but sharing our birthday month made me feel like I had a special bond with my cousin too. I was even more excited when her daughter (my goddaughter) managed to be born in February too! 

The first page of my notebook

I have mentioned that having to resubmit my PhD was one of the reasons I started this blog. There was another motivator. Way back in 2006, for my birthday, my cousin gave me a lovely notebook. In the front she had written that it was a book for me to write stories, ideas, poetry in (see photo). She would often say that I had a nice writing style and that when she read an email from me it was like having me sit in the lounge with her and tell her a story. (If you have had an email from me you will know that they are usually LONG stories...) Instead, I used the book to write down snippets of books that I had fallen in love with, snippets of genius, or facts that I thought interesting but knew I would forget (I have a terrible memory when it comes to details). When she found that out, she was disappointed that I used it for other people's words and not my own.







So, this blog is a little bit for Sandra, because I like to think that she would have enjoyed seeing me write, and I am sure she would have read my blog and encouraged me - she always had my back. I loved that she retained the thought that I live a glamorous life (this is despite me telling her about the 1000's of fish I had to dissect and that you can't do dolphin research in Namibia in a bikini!) Happy birthday JHB Cuz. This blog is also to remind me, and you since you are reading it, to LIVE. Celebrate life. Don't put off everything until after you have finished this, that, or your PhD. Yes, work, work hard and finish it, but also live, laugh, love.

P.S. Life is about balance, and this tragedy has taught me that, while you shouldn't save the bottle of caramel vodka for a special occasion that might never come, you should also not drink it all on one New Year's Eve...

Happy Valentines Day

quick, from-the-car shot

I thought that seeing it is the "day of love" I would just list some of my favourite things (there are MANY but I am choosing some that I can mostly, but not exclusively, access from my desk)... If I was Oprah I would give you the give-able favourite things, but I am not... so, just enjoy the pictures :) 

Obviously, I love Cape Town and love UCT, not only is it one of the most beautiful campuses in the world (no, really, there was a vote) but it is where so many of my friends and people I admire are and, where I can have tea at 10:30.

Check out how beautiful it is by clicking here. 

For some of the reasons I love Cape Town, click here . (Incidentally, there are some in that list that aren't part of the reason I love Cape Town, but you'll get an idea of how awesome it is - especially in February! I love February!) 

Then, for keep me sane (?) and inspiring myself with lofty literary thoughts I stalk these two websites: 

PHD Comics (for reminding me that I am not alone in my frustrations/joys/geekiness, there is a valentine's day comic today click here) and Brain Pickings (that's for the lofty literary thoughts and because there are so many clever people out there and I love seeing how they think. Check out this one on LOVE) 

There are sooo many distractions out there, and I really don't need to introduce more to my world so I try avoid watching TV or getting sucked into new series. I do allow myself to love the brilliant How I Met Your Mother (because it deals with most things life throws at you in a funny way - which is just what I need) and Big Bang Theory (which is fair enough really, because they make me feel like a normal person in comparison to their uber-geekiness). If you talk about other shows I may stare at you blankly... I apologise (unless you are talking about Friends...I love Friends).

I also love reading, pretty much anything but of course I have my favourites (Douglas, Terry, Deanna, Bryce and definitely Jasper Fforde). There is unlikely to ever be a time that I will actually succeed in not being completely addicted to reading although I have tried to deny myself from time to time in order to increase PhD-productivity (it never lasts...). I find Good Reads helps me keep track of the books I have read and how I felt about them at the time but I love Book Drum which is the book equivalent of special features on a DVD (my very talented sister has a number of reviews on the site, and we worked together on The Eyre Affair).



To counteract sitting hunched over my PC or curled up with a book I do pilates, and, surprisingly for someone as anti exercise as I am, I truly do love it. I think it has a lot to do with the really lovely instructors, the beautiful garden outside the studio, the small classes and the visible improvements I have seen in the proximity of my toes to my fingers (Honest +Kerri, +Chris). Or, maybe it is because we get wine after class on Fridays!!! (Pretty excited that I have pilates today!)

Always keen for an excuse to enjoy
the beauty of Cape Town

I love the Couch Surfing project, because it is just awesome to think that there are so many cool people out there that will do things for  complete strangers with no monetary gain. I love that people just want to meet people from different cultures and show off their home (or adopted) towns. I also happen to love meeting people from all over the world and showing off the beautiful Cape Town. I love the fact that couch surfing can result in having adventures you would never have otherwise had - even in your own town (including getting to jump the queue to visit the Italian naval frigate docked at the Waterfront to visit my couch surfing friend in uniform).

Italian frigate - travelling around the world doing good -
exactly what war ships should be doing. 

This is also stolen off the internet. It is
KISS by Roy Lichtenstein. 

I don't love shopping (particularly grocery shopping which always seems like a waste of money; petrol is even worse!) If I were to choose websites where I enjoy browsing (because frankly that's mostly what I can afford to do) I love all the AWESOME kitchen gadgets on Yuppie Chef (they also have brilliant customer service, frequent competitions and are just a really funky business) and browsing Jack Vettriano's prints on the Heart break publishing site or looking for cool pop art pictures like those by Roy Lichtenstein. There are things I do love buying, for instance wine and chocolate, but I haven't resorted to doing that online.



I have also successfully completed my alcohol-free month so am very excited to be able to drink wine again - I do love wine! But I am mostly sticking to my chocolate only on the weekends rule - yay me! 

Then, there are things that I think are really neat and just want to tell you about, like a thing for scheduling dates that suit multiple people - RAD! And I have mentioned Work Rave in a previous blog. I definitely DO NOT want to tell you about Pottermore because it is a time thief... do NOT look at it, ever, resist! (But, if you do, I am in Hufflepuff and supposedly they aren't as useless as you think they are...)




Even if you are single, Life is Beautiful, there is so much to celebrate and are so many small things that I love: just-brushed teeth, the macro function on my camera, my camera, the smell of my pencil when I write, the sound my keyboard makes when I type quickly, the feeling of champagne bubbles on my tongue, pink (or minus-green) and, definitely, YOU for reading my blog!!!!

Happy Valentines Day!!!! 

I also LOVE this... but it made me cry... in a good way (not good for my mascara). Maybe since it is a week of love, we could all do some random act of kindness... If you want, tell me about it in the comments...

Cinnamon Sunshine

The most beautiful Christmas
tree I know of belongs to
+Kerri and +Chris  who are
always ridiculously stylish, even
with Christmas bling!

I have missed a couple of Friday blog deadlines, but it has been a time of wine-soaked days interspersed with champagne. Ahhhh Christmas, what a fabulous time of year: a time of nostalgia and sentimentality, family and food not to mention a free pass for cheesy, cheerful household bling in the disguise of Christmas decorations. 

Beautiful tree at Ramsgate home

In South Africa, there is a public holiday on the 16th, and slowly the country winds down, takes a deep breath and slaps on the sunscreen (at least if they are responsible sorts). 

In my part of Cape Town, there is a fabulous period where undergraduates have slipped away, the streets are quiet and there is parking on campus and people are throwing end of year parties; then the tourists start arriving, traffic gets worse and that's my cue to dash off north. (JHB Decembers are fantastically quiet once everyone has evacuated to the beach. We had a little bit of time to enjoy this transformation in JHB before joining the migration coast-ward, to my folks' fabulous home in Ramsgate). 

Before I left Cape Town, I wrestled with the decision of whether of not to take my laptop with me. I hate travelling with it, am really anxious it will get damaged and feel irrationally irritated at having to take it out of its backpack to go through airline security. So, in an unprecedented move, I left it at home and flew to Lanseria (the best airport in the world) laptop-free (I had work with me, I couldn't go cold turkey, it was just on this old school thing called paper). 

Cocktail time in Ramsgate... 

Now I am back in Cape Town, I haven't had an alcoholic beverage since, well, last night actually (but before that it was at least FOUR days!!) I am sitting at my work desk, the cinnamon sunshine days are over and to be honest, I only looked at the papers I took on holiday with me once, and then, briefly. (I have had previous holidays where I did manage to work successfully. There was one Christmas eve on which I frantically finished a chapter and sent it off to the supervisorials but, not this year.) 

Restorative beach walks - just the thing
to help with the "final FINAL push"

I feel OK about this, even now, when I probably need to work harder than any other time. I decided that my time in Ramsgate and JoBurg needed to be about friends and family. I decided that in order to be able to survive this final push, which would be tougher than all previous "final pushes" I needed to stock up on happy moments, walks on the beach and quality, doing-nothing time. I know it sounds terribly self-indulgent, but I think it is important to put aside the GUILT and stress and remind yourself (from time to time) that there is life outside of PhD that needs to be actively appreciated because - even though it feels like it sometimes - your whole life does not revolve around your PhD (or shouldn't!?)

One of my highlights - a month in Lovely
Luderitz with the Dolphin team. 

Now it is the fantastically even-numbered 2014, and this time of year is always ripe with good intentions, sometimes referred to as New Year's Resolutions. We have a (relatively recent) tradition of sitting together and reflecting on highlights from the previous year and WRITING down resolutions for the coming year. I love sitting down, reminding myself of awesome moments from the previous year, that maybe I haven't thought about for a while. It helps remind me, that even in the toughest years, there were truly awesome moments. (I might be wrong, but I think we started this in the year of 'THE break up' and there were many moments of fabulousness in that year too.)

The resolutions are trickier.... I think for the previous three years my biggest resolution has been to finish the PhD and find a job... Each year rolls over, picking up with it more stress, panic and leaving behind a little of my self-esteem. Sadly, this resolution remains in the number one position for this year... but I have a feeling, this is going to be a good, good year!!! And, because life isn't all about the PhD, I have some non-work resolutions too. I think it would be too much to put all of my resolutions up for public scrutiny, but maybe you can help keep me on track for a couple of them (both have been broken this week, but I am not giving up... peer pressure can do wonderful things): 

 - No more pork - pigs are too clever to be food - yes, this includes even bacon!!! (Each grey word is a link to a story about how smart pigs are, there are many more too...)

 - Chocolate will only be consumed on weekends*

 - Go on holiday somewhere fabulous, not as a field trip or conference, just for fun! - accommodation sponsorships are welcome (Jenny ;) )! 

Our truly beautiful country - this is from a farm near Van Reenen

So, I wish you all a very happy, healthy 2014!!! 

May it be a year of champagne and celebrations, 

(pouffey hats and red cloaks)!!!! 

Let's all try to be kind to each other! 

And now on to that final push... 

* And public holidays, and maybe Earth Day, National Marine Week, International Coastal Clean up Day, and other public awareness days.... 

Last night I "Waka Waka"-ed with Freshly Ground

This post is named after the text I sent my friend +Monica  this morning, still buzzing with enthusiasm from last night's activities. This post (refreshingly) has nothing to do with my PhD, but since today is graduation day, and I am working hard on bottling the bitterness that I am not currently in a red gown glowing with happiness in my parents' photos, I think I will allow myself a bonus blog this week and gush about how awesome last night was. 

Mandela in Pink on the fan walk

We caught a train from Rondebosch and headed through to town. It was certainly reminiscent of the 2010 World Cup, a sense of anticipation, friendly camaraderie and an excessively full train from the southern suburbs to town. We even walk the fan walk (now re-dubbed the "walk of remembrance") from the station to the stadium. A fantastic traffic policewoman told us it was our right to cross the road with a big grin as she stopped the flow of cars - amazingly she kept this enthusiasm going all night when we spotted her on our return journey at 10:30pm still smiling. 

Once at the stadium the security was really relaxed, everyone seemingly more interested in being friendly than thorough. The crowd was also a really relaxed, friendly crowd, with people striking up conversations with random strangers sitting close to them. I think that is a general characteristic of South Africans at sporting venues (or at least it has been in my experience). 

"Sell out" crowd of 53 000 - rumour has it... 

We were sitting near the top of the stands and the sound wasn't awesome, so I was checking the twitter feeds to see if I was missing anything important and to tell me who some of the VIPs were that were speaking, because I couldn't quite catch the names. (I didn't really care that much about the sound because I was so happy to be there and it was an entirely free event hosted at short notice, and later we moved to where the sound was better anyway). Twitter mentioned something about boo-ing, but I didn't hear any, and I thought the atmosphere was generally friendly, celebratory, joyful and proudly South African! (I am anti booing; I was really disappointed to hear what happened in JHB, it wasn't the time or place, show your dissatisfaction with your votes.)

The first time I really identified as being "South African", and PROUDLY so, was during the 1995 Rugby World Cup - I was 12 years old. It was the last time I knew every single player on the national team, and what positions they played. I knew more about rugby then than I do now. I get goose bumps when I hear "Shosholoza", STILL! I can still picture the streets of northern suburbs Johannesburg after the final, and it brings a lump to my throat! It was fantastic to hear the then captain of our victorious rugby team still bring in the enthusiatic, voice-drowning cheers. Francois Pienaar, you beauty! 

Trevor Manual and Patricia De Lille
lapping up the crowd's cheers. 

You can check out the different articles online, and so won't go through everything. (Although my experience differs to what has been reported in some press e.g. this Mail and Guardian article which suggests that Annie Lennox was a welcome relief... And you can see photos here, including a selfie of Francois and Shado Twala referencing the selfie of Barack Obama, David Cameron and Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt, (and some people from my department in the center of the photo 4). I thought Helen Zille gave a really brave, enthusiastic speech, I loved Francois of course, and I have always liked Trevor Manual and he didn't disappoint last night. What really stands out is the 11 year old poet, Botlhale Boikanyo she spoke with such passion and confidence, I was blown away. 

I wasn't sure about Annie Lennox, but I loved, will always love Johnny Clegg - the man is a legend and I wish he had stayed on stage for longer. The crowd were all on their feet for the Bala Brothers who were goose-bump brilliant. I haven't seen them before but I will definitely be trying to see them again. 

Somehow, we wangled our way on to the field once the sun was down and the dancing started in earnest. (The sound was infinitely better from there). I have wanted to see Freshly Ground live for years, and somehow or other I have never managed to coordinate my schedule and budget to their performances. I think that it was worth the wait that last night's magical celebration was the first time that I ending up seeing them; dancing to "Waka Waka" (+Dayne!!!!!!!!!) on the pitch of one of the World Cup 2010 Stadiums will be something I never forget. I was jumping up and down too much to get a photo. The evening ended with Ladysmith Black Mambazo's hauntingly beautiful voices. Well, and a train trip back to the southern suburbs with a lovely group of fellow train go-ers, and glimpsing the green lazer Mandela on the side of Table Mountain. What a night... What a magical way to remember and celebrate the life of the most extraordinary South African, the most amazing human. 

Breakup survival #1

You are doing a PhD, you are pretty much in a world of your own focused on the stresses associated with that. Unfortunately, you don't exist in a bubble and some time life gives you a bit of a slap in the face...

In April of my 3rd year, my boyfriend broke up with me. CRUSHED! It was a complete shock - a bit like I imagine being hit by a truck would feel like, well fewer broken bones, but still shaky and nauseous. AND he did it just after a had put in a 96 well PCR, which was a massive moment for me given that so little of my lab work had been working. That PCR was (expensively) abandoned, that page in my lab book out-of-bounds. I managed to smile my way through a quick meeting that afternoon (A true testament to my stiff-upper-lip English ancestors) and then we drove the 67km from Pretoria to Johannesburg in the same car, but no longer together.

BLISS - 200m away from the new
house - definitely worth the stress

This all happened in a really manic week in the history of my family. My parents were retiring and moving to KwaZulu-Natal, my sister and her fiance were out from England (he was meeting most of the family for the first time); there was lots of stress and the emotions associated with leaving the house we had grown up in and lived in for over 20 years. Also, it wasn't just me hurting, everyone close to me was surprised and sad about the break-up. We (the boyfriend and I) had also booked a weekend away to attend a wedding (can you imagine going to a wedding with a broken heart?) that I still feel sad and guilty about missing, particularly since I still haven't given them the present.

So obviously, stressful time, and then THIS! I lost my appetite (that's never happened to me before!) and to this day I haven't managed to finish reading Duncton Wood, not because it is sad but because I couldn't stand that two moles (jealous of MOLES!? Really Shannon?) could be so in love and my heart was broken. Still, I went with my folks to their new home and I tried to be helpful and enthusiastic and to be honest it was a great trip. It is also probably the only holiday I've had in many years where I did NO PhD work and didn't feel even a tiny but GUILTY (*unexpected bonus*).

If you ever have this experience - and I sincerely hope you don't - I want to let you know there are actually good things about it too. Hard to believe, I know, but maybe some of the things I learnt can help you out??

• My family was AMAZING, so supportive and actually... I have no words. 

• My sister, +Kerri McDonald, and her husband, +Chris McDonald, compiled an awesome collection of angry chic music (Google - there's lots out there) to which I could sing (badly) along.  We also watched YouTube videos which were so much more angry than I was feeling (or indeed have ever felt) that, oddly, I felt a better instantly. She also gave me chocolate for breakfast  (*unexpected bonus*). 

• My cousin, Sandra, gave me an A5 notebook in which, she told me, I was to write 3 pages every day and NEVER look back. (Of course I looked back - it is full of the most awful, miserable nonsense). I always find writing therapeutic, (I guess that explains the blog), and it was good to have somewhere to moan without exhausting my friends/family. 

Uvongo beach:
 my childhood favourite.

• My mom, never a fan of road-tripping was even more indulgent than usual and we did some great trips around the KZN south coast with Dad, +Tessa Hampton and her man. (*unexpected bonus*)

• My friends were so awesome, either with their indignation and anger that saved me the trouble of being angry, or just their silent support. I truly felt so loved that my heart still swells with gratitude for my awesome friends years later. It really stopped me taking them for granted in my PhD-addicted life. (*unexpected bonus*)

• Once back in Cape Town, I went to the campus therapist (he had the same name as the ex, but I didn't hold that against him) and he told me the most USEFUL thing I can probably share with you: he said that I wasn't depressed, I was sad and in mourning, and that I should LET myself be! Sometimes you actually need someone to tell you this because I think we all feel like we should do the stiff upper lip thing and feel guilty about crying (I am a crier), but actually, a really good sob (multiple good sobs) is really what you NEED (and chocolate/wine!)

• So many people shared their own stories of heart break with me, and it really helped to know they had survived, they were happy, functional people, many in excellent relationships. Obviously, you know the hurt won't last forever, but in the moment it is hard to visualize the end of it. 

Brinny - master Easter egg deliverer
- loving her new home by the sea

• The dogs were even amazing. There was one moment in particular, I was sitting in the lounge and something had made me cry, Brinny (the dog) got up and left the room. When she came back, she was delicately holding an Easter egg in its (undamaged) tinfoil wrapping between her teeth which she dropped at my feet. (There had been marauding monkeys in the kitchen earlier that had abandoned the Easter eggs at a height accessible to her).

Thieving monkeys are still cute!

OK, this is rather a long post for modern attention spans, and I was going to mention some of the positive things I did to make life fabulous again, but I will save that for another post...

Exploring KZN. Oribi Gorge (left top and bottom and wildlife),
Umtumvuna Gorge (Right bottom and with me looking over edge)
Brinny (with cone) and Jill happy to be at the beach.