So, I have finished my PhD, and I think I deserve a holiday, a proper, really-not-even-going-to-bring-papers-that-I-will-never-read, holiday. It turns out that this is not that easy to do. First of all, it took me a while to stop feeling like I needed to be on campus all the time. And in fact, I didn't really succeed in that until I got on a plane with my folks up to KZN. Even then, I couldn't help feeling guilty that I wasn't working. And worse than that, was the fact that I didn't have a job to work on (OK, not strictly true - job hunting is pretty full time and I still have papers that need to be published... in fact, eekkk, lots to do). 
And, to be honest, everything was really busy leading up to graduation and then VERY soon after that there was Christmas, so it all felt like GO GO GO. Now, I have settled in to being quite lazy and reading MANY books and having lovely daily (more often than not, twice daily - the afternoon walks were started while I was still very much in a GO GO GO frame of mind. I find that those frames of mind are also useful for getting weird things like door/wall washing done) walks on the beach (the dogs insist). 
Now that I am thoroughly in the lazy (beach bum) frame of mind, it is difficult to get myself to focus on writing up papers and sending my precious little CV into the world of rejectability (the pool is 28 degrees... the beach in 200m away - it is heaven and I am only human!) BUT, the point is, whatever frame of mind I have been in, in the back of my head, instead of feeling like a well-deserved holiday, I can't help feeling that I am actually just unemployed. It turns out that an essential part of being on holiday is the knowledge that your holiday has to end and you have something that you have to get back to. It doesn't help that people keep telling you: "something will come" because I am the type of person that likes to know where I am going to be in 6 months time (and then spontaneously do something different). 
The daunting prospect of finding a job puts a real damper on suntanning (OK, I never suntan, who in their right minds suntans now that we know about skin cancer and wrinkles?) (Of course, the MASSIVE storm that is brewing at the moment is also putting a damper on things). The rejection letters don't help either. One funding prospect felt it is OK to reject an application right before Christmas - have they no heart. And articles like this one about your career in science costing you first born don't help either. It truly is daunting, thinking about whether I would want to live in Texas (turns out, they didn't want me to live in Texas), Qatar or stick in the place you know and love. And even with the PhD, what do I really know how to do? What can I legitimately apply for? When would I be selling myself short? (And I have during the course of writing this had another rejection letter from a job that I was definitely over qualified for.) Who can I outsource this panic too?
Still, I haven't had a real holiday with no guilt attached in probably ten years and I am in a beautiful place with my very patient and generous parents. As much as I am in a complete panic about what the future will bring, where I will be living and how I will start paying for a pension fund (not to mention boring things like rent, medical aid, insurance etc), I am determined to appreciate the fact that for once, I can relax and read (in the shade - liberally covered in suntan lotion) The papers are happening slowly, but I think, at least until the end of next week, that that's OK. And it is beautiful here so I thought I would share some of my photos.
However, what ever else I was going to say in this blog has fled my mind as the sound of thunder grows louder. I have seen too many modems go up in smoke during a thunderstorm to sit happily on my computer in a storm. (Yes, feel free to hate me if you are sitting writing your thesis... but I suspect that since it is after 4pm on a Friday your time would be better spent at the pub).
I guess I will just have to go and read my book... I think that the afternoon walk is a no-go... I haven't seen weather like this in ages.
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