Yo-Yo

I am not the type of person that can pull off "yoh-yoh" so I am talking about dieting, unfortunately. I really don't like this as a topic, I don't like talking about my weight or what I eat (and not only because the only answer I ever think of is "sweetcorn"). I have always pictured the people that tell people they are "on diet" as high-maintenance skinny chics that eat salad and act like they understand the horrible feeling of not fitting into clothes any more. Maybe that is unfair, but I do strive to be low maintenance (if you disagree, I did say "strive"). It also seems so ridiculous, in a world where people are starving and begging for food, that other people are on diet - that particularly makes me feel icky inside. 

Unfortunately dieting is actually part of my life and so is a strong tendency to chubbiness (and a love of chocolate and wine). For as long as I can remember I have regularly complained that it is so annoying that I eat so little (and not just sweetcorn, guys) and still can't keep weight off. I reached my heaviest weight during my PhD, it snuck up on my without me realising. I know that sounds a little unbelievable but I wasn't really paying attention to my body at the time (and that is my tenuous link for writing about this here).

I was quite ashamed that I had to go on diet. I didn't really want to tell anyone. When I started, I told only a handful of people, I am not sure why. I was also scared it wouldn't work. I guess I felt like I had failed some kind of test. Unfortunately, I also knew I couldn't do it by myself. I signed up for one of those programs where the guilt of having someone else see my progress on the scale was sufficient motivation for me to behave.  And it worked, well to a point, but it did work. 

The only trouble is, I approached it begrudgingly. I didn't like having to think about what I was eating all the time. I didn't like having to worry about what I looked like all the time. It felt so shallow. And it was expensive (I find that a frustrating problem in the world, that eating healthily is more expensive than not). I didn't quite reach goal, but I was happy enough and went back to not thinking about it (much, of course I thought about it, I just didn't do anything about it). That was ~6 years ago.

And you know what, I maintained that weight give or take a bit for most of that time. And then, like a master villain, it crept up on me when I wasn't looking, again. 

So, that was a REALLY long build up to what I wanted to say. I know it is trendy to "bant/paleo" these days, but I really don't like that idea, not least because of the environmental impact of eating all that meat. I joined WeighLess (and their vegetarian plan), with some habitual resentment. It is early days, but it has made me realise that eating very little is not the way to go. Cutting out carbs, fats or fruit is also not the way to go. I don't need to approach food with resentment.

I have a soft spot for cheese too,
so far only cottage cheese on diet.

The WeighLess meal plan includes so much food that I find it a little overwhelming, but it feels healthy (obviously portions are controlled but it is much more food than I am used to). There are proper servings of fruit and veg, protein and carbs. I have avoided bread (it's rye or seed loaf but that's tastier anyway) for so long and realise now that maybe it wasn't necessary. And you know what, they add food as you reach different milestones, so I will even be allowed wine once I get to the second step! The only trouble I can see at the moment is, eating all that healthy balanced food is  still pretty expensive. 

As much as I hate the whole dieting thing, I think it is really important for people to not approach food with distrust so that's why I wanted to talk about it. I also think it shouldn't really be something I am ashamed of. And sometimes it is OK to admit that you need a hand with something. Food isn't the enemy, and neither is wine...