Head up!

One of the things I marvel at in life, is the way different people perceive their value. I'm fully aware that I lack a certain assertiveness (depending on the environment - I have been known to boss people around, just a little... ) and I am actively working on it (just ask the poor people at Pick 'n Pay customer service) although I often tend to feel guilty when I make a fuss... (which I only ever do in a polite way, of course). 

I marvel at people that have an innate sense of their personal worth, who don't feel the need to apologise for taking up floor space or having an opinion (damn that involuntary blush!) or using up someone's time. I marvel that there are people, friends of mine, that don't understand if I feel guilty if I dither in a queue, or that I inevitably rush my doctors appointments because I am concerned I have trespassed too long on their time (despite paying a hefty sum for that time). I wonder how many people in the Business Sciences feel the same way... 

Of course, none of this really matters in a day to day world because I am quite good at faking assertiveness from time to time, but it all comes to a head when I am looking for jobs... I read the requirements and can instantly despair at all the requirements I do not meet where as other people, presumably, don't let that begin to concern them. I'm stumped before I start. I recently put forward a reference for myself (that the actual referee will hopefully edit and approve) and found it to be one of the most difficult tasks I had to do that week (and that's AFTER Googling "how to write a reference"). 

I remember reading  somewhere (in some reliable peer-reviewed resource like the Cosmopolitan Magazine) that men are more likely to apply for jobs for which they don't meet all the criteria than women and are therefore (obviously) more likely to get the position. Although I think that making it a gender issue over-simplifies things because I know women that believe that the things will just work out for them for no other reason than they deserve it, and sometimes (crucially not always) it does, and sometimes (again, not always) they do deserve it. 

I have mentioned that I am a compulsive volunteer, so I am so used to working for free, that the whole concept of being paid seems a huge bonus that I am excessively grateful for, even though I do, in fact, deserve it. And because I am currently unemployed (well, other than that short-term contract I started today and the PhD I am writing up) I am struggling to force myself to not apply for the positions that are offering a salary that would barely cover rent, even though it is more than I am being paid at the moment, I have decided that my time is worth something, with or without the PhD. (Please please please don't let that mean I am unemployed for ever!) 

So, as we move from eternal post-grad students, to real adults, how do we define our worth? As desperate as I am for a job in my field, I don't want to be taken advantage of. I acknowledge my lack of work experience, but hope that my qualifications count for something. I see the scarcity of jobs and hear about the science funding cuts around the world, but don't want to get stuck somewhere where I am undervalued. How do we find balance between job security and meaningfully contributing to society/conservation (because obviously I am not doing this just for money, otherwise I would have studied something in the Commerce faculty but I do need to start saving for a pension - eekkk* terrifying thought)? '

How do the timid PhD survivors, with their self esteem in tatters post-PhD, define themselves in the real world? Or is that what post-docs are for?

*How is that the first "eeekk" in my blog about surviving a PhD?