Bit early - NYE Resolutions

So, the end of the year is coming at break neck speed. I am pretty excited because I know I have a job for January - so next year won't start out with me feeling lost and panicked... I have gotten sidetracked already... This blog came about because one of my friends sent me this link, hoping to inspire me to make the most of time but it also made me a little sad.

Say I live until 85... and pretend I am already 33...
It sounds depressing but read on for why I worked
this out. 

While I am excited about 2016 and the possibilities it brings, there are some things in my life I still need to change. A lot of these things are hangovers from the PhD - I know that's crazy because it has been a long time since I finished with that - but it really impacted on how I spend my time. From the start of my MSc I didn't really have a holiday, weekend or evening that I didn't spend working or feeling guilty about not working. (Since I am not all that diligent, the guilty probably outweighed the actually time spent working). It is a little bit exhausting feeling guilty all the time. 

Let's say I read a book a week... That's a lot of books still
to read which is pretty cool... but there are always so
 many books out there...
Let me know what you recommend!
Also - approximately
the number of chocolates I will get to eat
(blush - another NYR could be required)...
I wouldn't want to do this with glasses of wine.

Especially during my PhD, I limited what TV series and movies I allowed myself to watch (this means that while I frequently sit awkwardly in conversations about pop culture I have never heard of, I can/do quote the series I did watch more than anyone I know - go on, ask me about Harry Potter or How I Met Your Mother (but not the last season because it was a disappointment)...), I felt guilty if I went out. It meant that I didn't exercise as often as I should - this is a crazy thing because exercise would probably have helped my body cope with stress but it isn't something I enjoy so I would hardly prioritse is in a time-limited world - right? This left me feeling unfit and disinclined to join social activities  that required exercise - a real downward spiral. Oh, I also didn't have much money, so while there are some types of exercise I do enjoy, I didn't feel like I could spend money on it. Do you know, at one stage I stopped reading books - can you imagine?? (Actually, I remember when I was doing my MSc and had field work on Robben Island, I used to love that on the ferry trip over there I had 45 minutes of guilt free reading - because I really couldn't do anything else - which is crazy because that should not have been the only time I was doing my favourite favuorite thing.)

And say I get to go to a new country every year...
53 pins seemed a lot but it was tricky to place them
and lots of pins in Europe (sorry Australia). 

Anyway, this is not limited to PhD-ers of course. People are always busy! How often do you find that it has been weeks or months since you have spoken to, never mind seen the people that you really really care about? And it isn't that it is anyone's fault, it is just a fact of hectic life and geography. I hate the the time I can spend with the people I love is limited. For me, it never feels like enough. BUT, it is the festive season/year end so not a time for sadness but active reflection: it is important that when you are with people you love that you are truly PRESENT, that you make the most of it, that you embrace every moment and treasure it (even if the moment is annoyance or frustration or impatience - because Inside Out (yes, I watch movies these days) teaches us that all emotions are important).



The link summarises with three pieces of advise: 1) Live in the same place as the people you love 2) prioritise and 3) quality matters. I can't do much about 1, I have people I love all over the world and I am sure that most people have the same problem, but you can do something about 2 and 3.

53 Christmas Trees to decorate and Enjoy

So, as you spend time with your families this festive season, be grateful you are together (even over Skype/Whatsapp/Email - technology is pretty awesome) and be present! Go swimming, eat ice cream, SMILE, listen properly and laugh sincerely and drink only good quality wine/champagne! Gosh, I sound like a hallmark card... cringe. Seriously, my 2016 resolutions are to prioritse the people and relationships in my life, to exercise (but only the fun types of exercise), to be present and to have FUN - and to continue trying to save the world of course!!!

I have over 19 thousand days to make the most of... how about you?? And I am going to start by making the most of my awesome family (which is obviously the most awesome family in the world) all being together, so I might not write for a while, happy festive season!!!  

Heart worms

A PhD is a kind of bubble existence that is just slightly different to the real world. You can try treat it like a job (because there are a lot of stressful jobs that extend past the usual 8-5 work hours and into weekends with no real holiday) but there is something a little different about it, possibly related to the fact that you have to be examined at the end in a way that is different to a performance examination at work (which also
sounds super stressful - thank goodness I haven't had to deal with that aspect of adulthood, yet). Maybe it is because you  are working alone or maybe because you are still seen as a student, even though you aren't studying - I am not sure and this is all besides the point...





While you are in this bubble your friends that have to put up with you when you are working through the night, tearing your hair out, acting crazy, isolating yourself from the world so you can finally write up, snapping at people unpredictably, sobbing quietly on the back stairs, unable to decide the smallest every day thing because your entire brain is consumed by PhD, being completely selfish because it is the only way to finish, living on a diet of coffee or Monster or just being slightly less fun than usual (some people manage to be completely normal, of course, and these are just (possibly too many) examples and not all symptoms I experienced personally... I never drink Monster for example...) The friends that stick around you through your PhD and the new friends that you make are going to worm their way right into the depths of your heart. Those friends (and an awesome family) are the key to how to "survive your PhD".

However, there is an inevitable temporariness about post graduate studies, post doctoral and contract work. It might feel like you have been doing your PhD FOR EVER, but there will be a day when it finishes and you move on. This is also true of post docs which are just evil plots to get you to do research for the university without them having to pay you benefits (an evil plot I would happily take my place in if you want to give me a post doc!) Of course this also happens in the real world where people who have real jobs (can you imagine) and move on to a different real job (can you imagine!) but it seems to be more prevalent in my field where so many of us are on temporary contracts.

This leads to inevitable but still sad goodbyes as people leave to go to the other side of the world following their dreams/funding opportunities and the holy grail of a real job. The advantage of my field though, is that it is really quite a small community and hopefully you get to bump in to your friends again at meetings and conferences. Recently it has been so special to see some friends, that had moved back to their homes on the other side of the world post PhD/post doc, back in Cape Town. Hanging out with them truly feels like they have never left.






While this week is sad because the conference is over and they have to go back, and another friend is moving to the other side of the world (for an amazing - real job - opportunity, good luck E), I know that friends that have wormed their way into the depths of your heart will never really be that far away. The world is much smaller than it used to be. AND, I get to see another couples of "worms" next week in the warm-sea bliss of KZN! So excited! (Paid leave! This is an aspect of adulthood I fully embrace).

Magic Faraway Tree

Authentic photo of my view -
can you spot the magic faraway tree?

There is a tree that I can just see out the window (if I lean back and swivel a little) of my office in Kirstenbosch. It is weirdly taller than everything around it. I could, I suppose walk to it one day to see if it is because it is on a little mound or if it really is just huge, but I like to think of it as just a huge tree looking down at all the other trees. When I started here, it was bare of leaves and stood out like a majestic Winter Monarch. (Although in those days, I wasn't at the window desk so I had to walk over to the window to see it or go upstairs for tea - but it was Winter so I was drinking lots of tea). Even without leaves it was striking but as what passes for Spring in Cape Town approached, it started to get those light almost neon green leaves, just a scattering at first and then over all its fingers. Now, not only does the sun shine finally shine through the window, but the tree is covered in a thick coat of dark green and stands out against the lush mountain slopes behind it.

I know that that was a long paragraph to describe a tree, but the thing is I have become quite fond of that tree. And not just the tree, but having an office on the side of a mountain that is as moody as it is beautiful. I love being able to predict how long from when the rain starts falling that the waterfall will start cascading down the ravine - that is of course when I can see the mountain through the clouds. I love that during the course of the day the shadows seem to highlight different portions of the mountain (although I didn't love it when the sun disappeared completely at 3 pm in the depths of Winter).  I love that the trees right on the top of the mountain look like Lego trees and that the rocks change colour. I want to giggle gleefully every time I drive home because I have the mountain on my right and the whole of Cape Town spread out for me on the left (it is also good in the morning when the Stellenbosch mountains are waking up with the sun - but I tend to be more distracted in the morning). On that note though, I also LOVE that the drive here is so short and that finding parking is so easy!  I also love having my office to myself (at least some of the time) and that I get to write on a big white board in four different colours!!!

All this exuberant happiness is bubbling to the surface because it is SUMMER! This part of the year feels a little like downhill cycle (I have not been on a bicycle for ten years, blush, but I remember liking that feeling) towards (dare I say it?) Champagne season. To be completely honest, this has been a tough week, I have found the protests personally emotionally draining for reasons I can't quite articulate because I have not been involved in them or directly affected by them (nor do I want to comment on them so I am going to stop there). I  have been rejected from another job post interview - which is quite a feat actually because I have only applied for two things since starting at IOI-SA, maybe it was three. And I have started to realise that soon I am going to have to acknowledge that my end of contract date (24 December) isn't that far away and I need to be proactive about finding work (AGAIN).   

Summer sunset concerts and long sunshiny days

And YET, these warm long days fill me with happiness. Soon I will be going to visit my folks for long walks on the beach and two of my favourite friends that I haven't seen in far too long will also be there. One of my favourite friends from Canada is also in town at the moment for a conference which is really exciting. I also feel like people start to come out of hibernation (or maybe it is just that I come out of hibernation) and start organising things to make the most of the fabulous weather, the very air starts to smell of braai smoke, jasmine and sunshine. There are exciting things happening in town, the open air movies, summer sunset concerts and because it is an El Nino year we might even be able to swim in the sea without loosing toes (I am trying to find a tiny positive in a global weather phenomenon that is likely to cause drought and possibly other horrible things that I am not insensitive to I promise!) And then, (dare I actually say it) there is Christmas in 9 weeks and my family will be together which is the most anyone could ask Santa for (but looking forward to the pool and braais and champagne too!) 

So, with sunscreen on, let's make the most of the sunshine and happiness... (Regardless what happens on Saturday evening - but holding thumbs for a Bok win!)

On holiday or Unemployed?

So, I have finished my PhD, and I think I deserve a holiday, a proper, really-not-even-going-to-bring-papers-that-I-will-never-read, holiday. It turns out that this is not that easy to do. First of all, it took me a while to stop feeling like I needed to be on campus all the time. And in fact, I didn't really succeed in that until I got on a plane with my folks up to KZN. Even then, I couldn't help feeling guilty that I wasn't working. And worse than that, was the fact that I didn't have a job to work on (OK, not strictly true - job hunting is pretty full time and I still have papers that need to be published... in fact, eekkk, lots to do). 

And, to be honest, everything was really busy leading up to graduation and then VERY soon after that there was Christmas, so it all felt like GO GO GO. Now, I have settled in to being quite lazy and reading MANY books and having lovely daily (more often than not, twice daily - the afternoon walks were started while I was still very much in a GO GO GO frame of mind. I find that those frames of mind are also useful for getting weird things like door/wall washing done) walks on the beach (the dogs insist). 

Now that I am thoroughly in the lazy (beach bum) frame of mind, it is difficult to get myself to focus on writing up papers and sending my precious little CV into the world of rejectability (the pool is 28 degrees... the beach in 200m away - it is heaven and I am  only human!) BUT, the point is, whatever frame of mind I have been in, in the back of my head, instead of feeling like a well-deserved holiday, I can't help feeling that I am actually just unemployed. It turns out that an essential part of being on holiday is the knowledge that your holiday has to end and you have something that you have to get back to. It doesn't help that people keep telling you: "something will come" because I am the type of person that likes to know where I am going to be in 6 months time (and then spontaneously do something different). 

The daunting prospect of finding a job puts a real damper on suntanning (OK, I never suntan, who in their right minds suntans now that we know about skin cancer and wrinkles?) (Of course, the MASSIVE storm that is brewing at the moment is also putting a damper on things). The rejection letters don't help either. One funding prospect felt it is OK to reject an application right before Christmas - have they no heart. And articles like this one about your career in science costing you first born don't help either. It truly is daunting, thinking about whether I would want to live in Texas (turns out, they didn't want me to live in Texas), Qatar or stick in the place you know and love. And even with the PhD, what do I really know how to do? What can I legitimately apply for? When would I be selling myself short? (And I have during the course of writing this had another rejection letter from a job that I was definitely over qualified for.) Who can I outsource this panic too?

Still, I haven't had a real holiday with no guilt attached in probably ten years and I am in a beautiful place with my very patient and generous parents. As much as I am in a complete panic about what the future will bring, where I will be living and how I will start paying for a pension fund (not to mention boring things like rent, medical aid, insurance etc), I am determined to appreciate the fact that for once, I can relax and read (in the shade - liberally covered in suntan lotion) The papers are happening slowly, but I think, at least until the end of next week, that that's OK. And it is beautiful here so I thought I would share some of my photos. 

However, what ever else I was going to say in this blog has fled my mind as the sound of thunder grows louder. I have seen too many modems go up in smoke during a thunderstorm to sit happily on my computer in a storm. (Yes, feel free to hate me if you are sitting writing your thesis... but I suspect that since it is after 4pm on a Friday your time would be better spent at the pub).

I guess I will just have to go and read my book... I think that the afternoon walk is a no-go... I haven't seen weather like this in ages.

Looking back

The end of 2014 was a pretty busy time, what with having to watch all (but one - which I frustratingly forgot to bring on holiday) the Harry Potter movies (You should have guessed I am a fan and there is a study that shows that reading the Harry Potter novels made young people less xenophobic so I am not even going to be embarrassed by my fandom)... One of my friends suggested that binge watching Harry Potter movies was a perfectly reasonable way for people in their thirties to spend New Years Eve. 

OK, OK, and there was that whole graduation thing (which was totally Harry Potter-esque). So let me catch you up... 

My two PhD campuses:
University of Cape Town and
University of Pretoria (still intact)

While walking to the (what I thought would be cringey lunch) I couldn't help thinking that the arches of SMUTS residents are wasted on 18-year-old first years who are probably too young to have watched Harry Potter. The Smuts dining hall is lovely, and even if the first years have watched Harry Potter, I am sure they wouldn't recognise the crests of the four provinces of "Old South Africa" that adorn the stain glass windows.  The quad area is also fabulous. I felt sad that I had spent my first year in an ugly pink, spiral building at the bottom of the hill (Tugwell).

The lunch wasn't at all cringey. My main supervisor was also invited and it was really nice to sit with her and not talk about my thesis. (She did ask another PhD student at the table how long it had taken him and I couldn't help nudging her and telling her that it and "what are you doing next" are rude questions. He said it is the equivalent of asking "how old are you?" and "how much do you weigh?")  The food was delicious and it was a fabulous cheap thrill to have to stand up and bob my head (blushing furiously) when they called my name (every PhD got to stand up and bob - although the extroverted ones waved or bowed and didn't blush at all). It was also really great to have some friends graduating at the same time as me, so it was even more fun than expected to go collect our RED CAPES and try on the silly pouffy hats. 

Go on, you know you
can picture this in
Hogwarts... 

And then... I fell in love... 

When I graduated in 2003, I looked admiringly at the PhDs in their red capes and right there I decided I had to be one of them one day. Admittedly, an outfit - not matter how awesome - is probably not a good enough reason to do a PhD, but once I had that cape in my hands, I didn't want to ever give it back. 

blurry with excitement...
but that's pretty much the grin that
was plastered on my face all afternoon

So, we all know graduations are boring, you just have to sit and listen to a bunch of names that don't mean anything to you (although I have been a demonstrator for some of the BScs) waiting for the two seconds when you go up and spend the whole time concentrating so hard on not stuffing up that it all passes in a bit of a blur. However, even knowing and anticipating that (it is not my first graduation, you know) I spent the whole time grinning like a crazy person. We had awesome front row seats so lots of opportunity to comment on the ridiculous heels some people were wearing (no tripping, but there was one very close call) and I was right in front of our department's very lovely HOD. I am pretty sure she noticed me grinning like a crazy person, but I was really very happy to be there. 

The quality of the paper appears to
be related to the degree you are getting.

It was also really fantastic to have my folks down in Cape Town for a bit of a holiday and wine drinking. We went to Kirstenbosch's magical Carols by Glow stick. We celebrated at a lovely new restaurant in Harfield Village that serves responsible, seasonal and sustainable food - Graze - and let us drink lots of our own wine without charging corkage (this was because they are still waiting for their liquor licence so was a time-limited bonus). We also explored "The Spice Route" which isn't a route as such, but one place with loads of exciting things to do (wine tasting, chocolate tasting, beer tasting and delicious food at the restaurants). But, even if all we had done was go to graduation, it was lovely to share this huge moment with two of the people that made it possible, were forever supportive, generous and patient and never put pressure on me. I am, and always will be, so grateful to my amazing parents. 

I was also humbled (AGAIN - gosh this PhD thing is very humbling) by all the messages and support I got on the day and subsequent to it. And, did you know, graduation can result in gifts!? I did not expect that at all, but was very excited about them nonetheless! 

For those of you that are wondering if the pain and torture is worth it... (I am not going to mention the physical heart ache I felt when handing back the cloak and having to acknowledge that I am no longer a UCT student) I have to say that it is. (Well, graduation day is - I am currently unemployed, so in the bigger picture I am not sure whether or not it was). Yes, it is cheesy and old-fashioned and only a single day after years of PhD stress, but I was so thrilled to be there. I would possibly have worn that red cape (and even that silly pouffy hat) everyday for a year

if I didn't have to give it back. So do it - submit - and go to your graduation!

Of course, now to find a job.... 

Then and Now!

Happy days

Beautiful Benji in the holiday spirit

It is that time of year... I am heading off to KZN and intermittent internet so will not be posting much but will hopefully get some pictures up of "THE BIG DAY" which is... can you imagine.... tomorrow!!!!!!!

Today there is lunch with the Vice Chancellor and various other important people that I have obviously never had any dealings with before and tomorrow is "THE BIG DAY". I feel weirdly stressed out about it, but I imagine that will fade once I have the red cape... wait... RED CAPE! I am also not sure what to expect from this lunch, so hopefully, in between drinking lots of champagne, wine, cocktails and long walks on the beach (where the water is warm enough to swim in - if you can drag yourself away from the champagne, wine and cocktails) I will get a chance to tell you about "THE BIG DAY" and (probably slightly cringey) lunch. 

Meanwhile, HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Take a break and enjoy spending time with your family and switch off the stress a little! (I am still trying to figure out how to do that, but I think the change of scenery will help!) 

City of Gold, red and orange...

I grew up in one of the most dangerous cities in the country (well in the top 50, it doesn't make all the lists, but it has a bit of a reputation). However, when we were growing up, we played in badminton in the streets, and made houses of the crisp autumn leaves at the corner of our road (I guess just floor plans - leaves don't make great walls). I walked home from school, crisscrossing the road to stamp through the biggest leaf piles or planning my journey to include as many mulberries and those tart pink berries (not sure what they are called) as possible, always choosing to walk on the side of the jasmine bushes. 

A summer-time photo from the Westcliff
(incidentally, a FABULOUS spot for high tea)

We played in the streets, rode bicycles or walked everywhere and my friends lived close by. You might argue that it was the suburbs and doesn't really reflect Johannesburg as a whole (JHB is huge and diverse) but it was my Johannesburg and I loved it, and still do. I was very pleased to have a sneaky visit up there last week. It is the change of season, and the mornings are clear and crisp, tinged with frost, the days sunny and warm and the leaves are falling to form piles of crunchy leaves perfect for stomping in (I refrained, but I was tempted). 

This is my sister's photo, taken in Rosebank. 

It might not be the city for everyone, but it, like every where has aspects of loveliness. In addition, for me it is full of happy memories and sunshine. I came back to Cape Town feeling (a little sad to say goodbye to my fantastic JHB family and friends but) refreshed and happy. Sometimes, a little bit of time away, a change of scenery, a different group of people, is just the thing to give you a little extra energy and enthusiasm to face the same tedious tasks you still have to get done and survive the current cold front. 

Another of my sister or brother-in-law's pictures,
when I see this view, I know I am close to
(one of my) homes. 

I just want to be clear, the fact that I love JHB (and Ramsgate) doesn't mean I love Cape Town any less. I think one of the ways to be really happy, is to be happy wherever you are, there is beauty every where, amazing people to meet and the potential for happiness everywhere! 

Another view from Westcliff looking over JHB

When I got back from JHB on Wednesday morning, I went straight to vote before acting as a "greeter" for the political party I volunteer with. This basically just involved being a smiley face in front of the voting station. Obviously there are people that just can't be bothered to give a stranger a head tilt, others will open up with stories that can warm the heart. South Africa - the whole of the large, diverse, controversial, beautiful South Africa, is an amazing and wonderful place. There has been good and bad in the last 20 years but I am proud to call it all home.

(Even if there are people that are willing to vote EFF) 

My favourite month

Words are powerful tools that can create worlds, bring fictional characters to life and into your heart, weave magic and beauty, but there are some tasks that words are inadequate for - or at least my power to yield them is inadequate - particularly when I am talking about something sad in a blog that is meant to embrace optimism... Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words... but I have to try.

My favourite beach 

This week was my birthday, a happy day spent travelling back from a weekend with my folks and one of my favourite ladies (thanks to their amazing generosity). An evening that was spent drinking champagne, eating beer bread and decorating cookies - bliss.

BUT 

This week would also have been my cousin's birthday... I have mentioned my cousin a couple of times in this blog and in "The other F word" I told you that she had passed away - two innocent, innocuous words for a world of sorrow and change.






I have always treasured that our birthdays were in the same month, just a couple of days apart. I am a few years younger than my sisters and cousins, and often felt as though I missed out a bit on growing up together and the closeness that that (being in school together, graffiti-ing the patio, early days of clubbing, first kisses etc) brings. (There was no small amount of hero-worshiping of my older sisters and cousins, you can tell and it grew into a deep love and respect as I got older...) So, it may seem silly, but sharing our birthday month made me feel like I had a special bond with my cousin too. I was even more excited when her daughter (my goddaughter) managed to be born in February too! 

The first page of my notebook

I have mentioned that having to resubmit my PhD was one of the reasons I started this blog. There was another motivator. Way back in 2006, for my birthday, my cousin gave me a lovely notebook. In the front she had written that it was a book for me to write stories, ideas, poetry in (see photo). She would often say that I had a nice writing style and that when she read an email from me it was like having me sit in the lounge with her and tell her a story. (If you have had an email from me you will know that they are usually LONG stories...) Instead, I used the book to write down snippets of books that I had fallen in love with, snippets of genius, or facts that I thought interesting but knew I would forget (I have a terrible memory when it comes to details). When she found that out, she was disappointed that I used it for other people's words and not my own.







So, this blog is a little bit for Sandra, because I like to think that she would have enjoyed seeing me write, and I am sure she would have read my blog and encouraged me - she always had my back. I loved that she retained the thought that I live a glamorous life (this is despite me telling her about the 1000's of fish I had to dissect and that you can't do dolphin research in Namibia in a bikini!) Happy birthday JHB Cuz. This blog is also to remind me, and you since you are reading it, to LIVE. Celebrate life. Don't put off everything until after you have finished this, that, or your PhD. Yes, work, work hard and finish it, but also live, laugh, love.

P.S. Life is about balance, and this tragedy has taught me that, while you shouldn't save the bottle of caramel vodka for a special occasion that might never come, you should also not drink it all on one New Year's Eve...

Cinnamon Sunshine

The most beautiful Christmas
tree I know of belongs to
+Kerri and +Chris  who are
always ridiculously stylish, even
with Christmas bling!

I have missed a couple of Friday blog deadlines, but it has been a time of wine-soaked days interspersed with champagne. Ahhhh Christmas, what a fabulous time of year: a time of nostalgia and sentimentality, family and food not to mention a free pass for cheesy, cheerful household bling in the disguise of Christmas decorations. 

Beautiful tree at Ramsgate home

In South Africa, there is a public holiday on the 16th, and slowly the country winds down, takes a deep breath and slaps on the sunscreen (at least if they are responsible sorts). 

In my part of Cape Town, there is a fabulous period where undergraduates have slipped away, the streets are quiet and there is parking on campus and people are throwing end of year parties; then the tourists start arriving, traffic gets worse and that's my cue to dash off north. (JHB Decembers are fantastically quiet once everyone has evacuated to the beach. We had a little bit of time to enjoy this transformation in JHB before joining the migration coast-ward, to my folks' fabulous home in Ramsgate). 

Before I left Cape Town, I wrestled with the decision of whether of not to take my laptop with me. I hate travelling with it, am really anxious it will get damaged and feel irrationally irritated at having to take it out of its backpack to go through airline security. So, in an unprecedented move, I left it at home and flew to Lanseria (the best airport in the world) laptop-free (I had work with me, I couldn't go cold turkey, it was just on this old school thing called paper). 

Cocktail time in Ramsgate... 

Now I am back in Cape Town, I haven't had an alcoholic beverage since, well, last night actually (but before that it was at least FOUR days!!) I am sitting at my work desk, the cinnamon sunshine days are over and to be honest, I only looked at the papers I took on holiday with me once, and then, briefly. (I have had previous holidays where I did manage to work successfully. There was one Christmas eve on which I frantically finished a chapter and sent it off to the supervisorials but, not this year.) 

Restorative beach walks - just the thing
to help with the "final FINAL push"

I feel OK about this, even now, when I probably need to work harder than any other time. I decided that my time in Ramsgate and JoBurg needed to be about friends and family. I decided that in order to be able to survive this final push, which would be tougher than all previous "final pushes" I needed to stock up on happy moments, walks on the beach and quality, doing-nothing time. I know it sounds terribly self-indulgent, but I think it is important to put aside the GUILT and stress and remind yourself (from time to time) that there is life outside of PhD that needs to be actively appreciated because - even though it feels like it sometimes - your whole life does not revolve around your PhD (or shouldn't!?)

One of my highlights - a month in Lovely
Luderitz with the Dolphin team. 

Now it is the fantastically even-numbered 2014, and this time of year is always ripe with good intentions, sometimes referred to as New Year's Resolutions. We have a (relatively recent) tradition of sitting together and reflecting on highlights from the previous year and WRITING down resolutions for the coming year. I love sitting down, reminding myself of awesome moments from the previous year, that maybe I haven't thought about for a while. It helps remind me, that even in the toughest years, there were truly awesome moments. (I might be wrong, but I think we started this in the year of 'THE break up' and there were many moments of fabulousness in that year too.)

The resolutions are trickier.... I think for the previous three years my biggest resolution has been to finish the PhD and find a job... Each year rolls over, picking up with it more stress, panic and leaving behind a little of my self-esteem. Sadly, this resolution remains in the number one position for this year... but I have a feeling, this is going to be a good, good year!!! And, because life isn't all about the PhD, I have some non-work resolutions too. I think it would be too much to put all of my resolutions up for public scrutiny, but maybe you can help keep me on track for a couple of them (both have been broken this week, but I am not giving up... peer pressure can do wonderful things): 

 - No more pork - pigs are too clever to be food - yes, this includes even bacon!!! (Each grey word is a link to a story about how smart pigs are, there are many more too...)

 - Chocolate will only be consumed on weekends*

 - Go on holiday somewhere fabulous, not as a field trip or conference, just for fun! - accommodation sponsorships are welcome (Jenny ;) )! 

Our truly beautiful country - this is from a farm near Van Reenen

So, I wish you all a very happy, healthy 2014!!! 

May it be a year of champagne and celebrations, 

(pouffey hats and red cloaks)!!!! 

Let's all try to be kind to each other! 

And now on to that final push... 

* And public holidays, and maybe Earth Day, National Marine Week, International Coastal Clean up Day, and other public awareness days.... 

added bonus

Brinny in Christmas jewels

The naked computer -
my graphics card melted a
couple of years ago. 

It has been a bit like Christmas in our lab. The research staff need to finish off their funding before the end of the month, so people have been receiving new screens/laptops etc. Of course I haven't - that's VERY understandable given that I should have already been out of here years ago, but as I sit with my naked computer that is slower than... I am to think of an analogy to put in here. I wonder where I have been going wrong over the years.

University of Aberdeen

This extends beyond the computer of course. I have enviously watched friends and colleagues dashing off to Amsterdam, Canary Islands, Japan, USA, Tasmania etc. Throughout my (rather extended) post graduate career, I have been to ONE international conference and I was able to do that because I was funded by SAEON who knew me from my time as a (occasionally it felt like "the") SAEON-GSN committee member. (* I have been to numerous local conferences - that I have loved and found immensely useful for meeting people that I am sure to see and again and possibly work with! *) That conference was the World Marine Biodiversity Conference in Aberdeen, Scotland. It was amazing... huge, rather intimidating but amazing and I met someone lovely, who is hopefully going to make the world of difference to my PhD.

The Sven Loven Centre for Marine
Sciences, Tjarno, Sweden

I also went to a FANTASTIC (seriously, so useful, so much fun, I met fabulous people from so many countries, and swam in the sea at midnight - in SWEDEN - if you can GO!) "Experimental Design and Data Analysis for Marine Scientists" course in Sweden. That doesn't count because I paid for that myself, nerd that I am. (The course was free, and included accommodation and food, so really I just paid for my flights and it was very definitely worth it.)

View from our accommodation in Tjarno

Obviously you don't just go to conferences because it is an exciting opportunity/excuse to travel; they are important places to network, put your work (and yourself) out there and engage with people working in the same field. It is also a chance to rejuvenate your passion and enthusiasm in your field by seeing the awesome things that other people are doing. Rumour has it, it is a very good way to find post docs/jobs, because when hundreds of people are applying for the same position, it helps if the person you are applying to has met you before or seen your (presumably excellent) presentation.

So what did I do wrong???

Say what you like, but I do love JHB!
This pic was taken by +Kerri and
+Chris  in 2010 (soccer fever year)

• I struggled so much to get results, that by the time I did I was too late to apply for many of the grants that require you to be in your 2nd year of PhD. 
• I am DEFINITELY not assertive enough, I felt so bad about asking for refunds for flights to Pretoria that I only started doing so in my second year despite it being a legitimate expense. (Never mind how much money it cost me driving back and forth from Johannesburg (where I could stay for free with my parents) to Pretoria (where I did all my lab work) - I never even mentioned that to my supervisors.
• My work isn't the main interest of my primary supervisor. (She's brilliant, and has been really supportive and helpful, but does quite different work to my PhD and mostly she is my primary supervisor because I wanted to be registered at UCT.) So I guess make sure that your supervisor is as desperate to get your work acknowledged as you are.  

UCT is the cluster of red roofs on the
far side of Rondebosch Common -
A seriously beautiful spot for a campus! 

What can you do right???

• ASK, I guess the worst that can happen is you get refused. (Always easier to give advice than take it).
• When I did get to go to Aberdeen, as I said the money was from SAEON, it is important to look into sourcing your own funding, so you can at least go to your supervisor with partial funding in the bag. 

Of course, since I have had a complete LACK of success in this I thought I would ask some friends what they think is the right approach:

+Emily (who has been to Amsterdam twice this year and Denmark last year) wins the prize for giving two pieces of really useful advice:

1. "Don't underestimate the power of your MOU (memorandum of understanding/contract).

Make sure you get what you expect out of your degree and your relationship with your supervisor by putting it in your MOU. Number of holidays you are allowed to take, a new computer/laptop/hard drive should you need it, how often you will meet your supervisor. sure, maybe meeting every 2 weeks isn't necessary in the middle of your work, but at the start and end you need those meetings, and you can use your MOU to remind them that they have the obligation to you to meet the terms agreed to.

2. Look for external funding for trips, conferences and other interesting workshops.

Your supervisor wants you to attend things and if you can find your own funding they will support it with a very nice letter. If you are caught short they are more likely to pick up the difference too."

+Kate (who went to the Penguin conference in Bristol this year)
let me use her lovely alliteration poem 

3. And from a discussion with +Sally  and others this week: Get friendly with your department's technical people (they can be fabulously useful)!!!

OK, but if you don't get to go to exotic locations, don't despair - just make sure that your awesome friends bring you back treats from foreign lands. (Thanks +Emily  and Kate)


PS I seriously can't think of a good title for this post, so if you have anything, let me know :)