Bit early - NYE Resolutions

So, the end of the year is coming at break neck speed. I am pretty excited because I know I have a job for January - so next year won't start out with me feeling lost and panicked... I have gotten sidetracked already... This blog came about because one of my friends sent me this link, hoping to inspire me to make the most of time but it also made me a little sad.

Say I live until 85... and pretend I am already 33...
It sounds depressing but read on for why I worked
this out. 

While I am excited about 2016 and the possibilities it brings, there are some things in my life I still need to change. A lot of these things are hangovers from the PhD - I know that's crazy because it has been a long time since I finished with that - but it really impacted on how I spend my time. From the start of my MSc I didn't really have a holiday, weekend or evening that I didn't spend working or feeling guilty about not working. (Since I am not all that diligent, the guilty probably outweighed the actually time spent working). It is a little bit exhausting feeling guilty all the time. 

Let's say I read a book a week... That's a lot of books still
to read which is pretty cool... but there are always so
 many books out there...
Let me know what you recommend!
Also - approximately
the number of chocolates I will get to eat
(blush - another NYR could be required)...
I wouldn't want to do this with glasses of wine.

Especially during my PhD, I limited what TV series and movies I allowed myself to watch (this means that while I frequently sit awkwardly in conversations about pop culture I have never heard of, I can/do quote the series I did watch more than anyone I know - go on, ask me about Harry Potter or How I Met Your Mother (but not the last season because it was a disappointment)...), I felt guilty if I went out. It meant that I didn't exercise as often as I should - this is a crazy thing because exercise would probably have helped my body cope with stress but it isn't something I enjoy so I would hardly prioritse is in a time-limited world - right? This left me feeling unfit and disinclined to join social activities  that required exercise - a real downward spiral. Oh, I also didn't have much money, so while there are some types of exercise I do enjoy, I didn't feel like I could spend money on it. Do you know, at one stage I stopped reading books - can you imagine?? (Actually, I remember when I was doing my MSc and had field work on Robben Island, I used to love that on the ferry trip over there I had 45 minutes of guilt free reading - because I really couldn't do anything else - which is crazy because that should not have been the only time I was doing my favourite favuorite thing.)

And say I get to go to a new country every year...
53 pins seemed a lot but it was tricky to place them
and lots of pins in Europe (sorry Australia). 

Anyway, this is not limited to PhD-ers of course. People are always busy! How often do you find that it has been weeks or months since you have spoken to, never mind seen the people that you really really care about? And it isn't that it is anyone's fault, it is just a fact of hectic life and geography. I hate the the time I can spend with the people I love is limited. For me, it never feels like enough. BUT, it is the festive season/year end so not a time for sadness but active reflection: it is important that when you are with people you love that you are truly PRESENT, that you make the most of it, that you embrace every moment and treasure it (even if the moment is annoyance or frustration or impatience - because Inside Out (yes, I watch movies these days) teaches us that all emotions are important).



The link summarises with three pieces of advise: 1) Live in the same place as the people you love 2) prioritise and 3) quality matters. I can't do much about 1, I have people I love all over the world and I am sure that most people have the same problem, but you can do something about 2 and 3.

53 Christmas Trees to decorate and Enjoy

So, as you spend time with your families this festive season, be grateful you are together (even over Skype/Whatsapp/Email - technology is pretty awesome) and be present! Go swimming, eat ice cream, SMILE, listen properly and laugh sincerely and drink only good quality wine/champagne! Gosh, I sound like a hallmark card... cringe. Seriously, my 2016 resolutions are to prioritse the people and relationships in my life, to exercise (but only the fun types of exercise), to be present and to have FUN - and to continue trying to save the world of course!!!

I have over 19 thousand days to make the most of... how about you?? And I am going to start by making the most of my awesome family (which is obviously the most awesome family in the world) all being together, so I might not write for a while, happy festive season!!!  

Heart worms

A PhD is a kind of bubble existence that is just slightly different to the real world. You can try treat it like a job (because there are a lot of stressful jobs that extend past the usual 8-5 work hours and into weekends with no real holiday) but there is something a little different about it, possibly related to the fact that you have to be examined at the end in a way that is different to a performance examination at work (which also
sounds super stressful - thank goodness I haven't had to deal with that aspect of adulthood, yet). Maybe it is because you  are working alone or maybe because you are still seen as a student, even though you aren't studying - I am not sure and this is all besides the point...





While you are in this bubble your friends that have to put up with you when you are working through the night, tearing your hair out, acting crazy, isolating yourself from the world so you can finally write up, snapping at people unpredictably, sobbing quietly on the back stairs, unable to decide the smallest every day thing because your entire brain is consumed by PhD, being completely selfish because it is the only way to finish, living on a diet of coffee or Monster or just being slightly less fun than usual (some people manage to be completely normal, of course, and these are just (possibly too many) examples and not all symptoms I experienced personally... I never drink Monster for example...) The friends that stick around you through your PhD and the new friends that you make are going to worm their way right into the depths of your heart. Those friends (and an awesome family) are the key to how to "survive your PhD".

However, there is an inevitable temporariness about post graduate studies, post doctoral and contract work. It might feel like you have been doing your PhD FOR EVER, but there will be a day when it finishes and you move on. This is also true of post docs which are just evil plots to get you to do research for the university without them having to pay you benefits (an evil plot I would happily take my place in if you want to give me a post doc!) Of course this also happens in the real world where people who have real jobs (can you imagine) and move on to a different real job (can you imagine!) but it seems to be more prevalent in my field where so many of us are on temporary contracts.

This leads to inevitable but still sad goodbyes as people leave to go to the other side of the world following their dreams/funding opportunities and the holy grail of a real job. The advantage of my field though, is that it is really quite a small community and hopefully you get to bump in to your friends again at meetings and conferences. Recently it has been so special to see some friends, that had moved back to their homes on the other side of the world post PhD/post doc, back in Cape Town. Hanging out with them truly feels like they have never left.






While this week is sad because the conference is over and they have to go back, and another friend is moving to the other side of the world (for an amazing - real job - opportunity, good luck E), I know that friends that have wormed their way into the depths of your heart will never really be that far away. The world is much smaller than it used to be. AND, I get to see another couples of "worms" next week in the warm-sea bliss of KZN! So excited! (Paid leave! This is an aspect of adulthood I fully embrace).

Carpe Diem

Kolmanskop Ghost Town

In 2012 when I thought I would OBVIOUSLY be finished my thesis soon, an opportunity arose to do some volunteer work in Namibia. I applied, I met the awesome people I would be working with and they said yes. Simple as that - of course it wasn't because I didn't finish the thesis in time. There was some or other reason, or maybe there wasn't, but the thesis wasn't done and it was a big decision as to whether or not to still go to Namibia. 

Although, in a way, it wasn't. I had said I was going to go and had committed to two months up there and this was a chance to volunteer, in a place I have never been to before, on dolphins. (It also meant escaping Cape Town Winter for a bit) Rad! I love going to new places and doing new things so, of course I went. 

Namtib - our weekend camping spot

This wasn't a completely smooth process, it involved a very early flight on a very wet and cold morning and a forgotten-at-home passport and bad packing but once I got there it was obviously awesome (especially after I bought sunglasses). I loved Luderitz, the people I met and the work that the Namibian Dolphin Project was doing there. We had loads of fun at Barrels, on the boat and in the office (which used to be a mortuary - before it became part of the Namibian Ministry of Fisheries and Marine Resources). 

It truly was two months that I will never forget and never regret. I wrote a blog about it even... (this was obviously before I had this blog) and my friends and family had to endure long gushing emails. I had a week off and got to explore parts of Namibia I had barely heard of thanks to a dear friend living up there. I was treated to a night in Etosha with all the magic that brings including a lion kill that I didn't quite capture on camera (I can be such a wolly, I only pressed the record button after it was finished - so I didn't record it and I spent the whole time diligently watching it through my lens because I thought I was recording).

Kolmanskop

Driving through the desert

Namibia is a country like no other (with the disclaimer that I haven't been to any other desert countries - unless you count the airports in Dubai and Doha which I suspect I am not allowed to). There is so much space. Luderitz is like an island of civilisation in the middle of the desert. I was thrilled to meet the northern contingent of the African Penguin population and the awesome lady that looks after them. I have never seen so many dolphins, or large seabirds for that matter. I had certainly never followed a whale at speed through thick offshore mist before. Visiting a ghost town with sand flooded rooms but perfectly-preserved wall paper (of questionable taste) and being dwarfed at sea by dunes of golden sand will change your perspective on the world.

Between Swakop and Walvis

Then... in 2013 I had the opportunity to go again for a month. Of course, this time I had finished the thesis (for the moment). In fact, I handed in the day before I was due to drive to Luderitz. (This meant I had a very subdued celebration of the handing in - which is probably a good thing, considering that I would have another chance to celebrate handing in in 2014). 

Adorable Lucas - the new
dolphinologist

That month was awesome too. It was great to see the Luderitz locals again and its seasonal visitors of course. The team was a little different and we had an adorable new member, although he wasn't much help with the data entry and a crazy manic new member that was very good at finding interesting bone samples. It was a great way to pretend to be human after finishing off the thesis. This is definitely something I would recommend - do something completely different after you finish your thesis so that you can get out of the thesis funk and realise the world is bigger than your PhD. I also recommend taking nice long drives through a desert with cool music (which in my case is music you can sing along to - even if very badly).

Near the border

Near the border

Last time I was in Walvis Bay -
a misty day trip from
Swakopmund in May 2009. 

When I was offered the opportunity to help out with dolphin field work this April, I had to say yes. This is not only because the dolphin work and the dolphinologists are so awesome, but also because I am trying very hard to get funding to do some dolphin population genetics research of my own and it will be great to see the northern half of the Namibian Dolphin Project. This time I will be based in Walvis Bay, and while I will miss the Luderitz-ites, Barrels and the mortuary I am excited about visiting a new place. I have, technically, been to Walvis Bay before, but only on a day trip when I was in Swakopmund for some PhD work. It was quite misty and cold on that day, but I am hoping for some more sunshine and happiness that I associate with Namibia. I think that I would call being able to take up this opportunity another perk of unemployment (although the job/funding hunt continues). I will, of course, keep you updated.

Acknowledgements

My (very professional) thank you card

Hands down, this was my favourite part of my thesis writing. 
My official acknowledgements had to include a lot of official thank-yous about funding and was only slightly self indulgent. My fabulous sister wisely told me to reign in some of the gushing, but this is prime cheese territory and a totally self indulgent blog. 

You can not do a PhD alone, obviously, your supervisors are critical (even though they sometimes ignore you completely) but that's not what I am talking about (nor am I at all bitter - can you tell :) and at least I had three supervisors.)

Given that this is a blog about how to survive a PhD - let's be clear - I would not have survived (or at least finished the thing - twice) without my support network. Without a doubt all my family and friends kept me sane or at least made allowances for my insanity. They have made sure I would eat real food when funding was low or when I was just too busy to deal with that myself, and they did it without making me feel bad, they would just subtly invite me (frequently!) to dinner or donate their excess Harvest of Hope (a cool initiative) veggies to me. And one special person put together an especially fabulous care package of food to get me through printing and final edits on the day before thesis hand-in #1!

Yes, I took the cable car!!

My friends have also patiently guided me through statistics and R (even late at night in the last minute) or avoided their own (substantial) piles of work helping me figure out elliptical Fourier analysis (which I feel awful about because I didn't end up putting it in the thesis) and elephant-eating theory. They have read chapters and pretended that my topic was interesting when I blabbed on about it incessantly. And on the flip side of that, they avoided talking about too, which is sometimes also required and appreciated. They have given me hugs and not judged me for my ugly cries and forgiven me for missing out many social activities in the frequent (recurring) PhD lock-down periods. 

If you want to survive your PhD, don't take these gems in your life for granted, and I hope that all of my friends know how much I appreciate them. If you are new in town when you are starting your PhD, I really recommend that you are brave and put yourself out there. There is at least one nerdy friendly person in each department that will invite you to social gatherings where you can meet people. 

Hopefully your department has communal tea time or social gatherings (particularly useful if there is free wine), or if not, suggest it (frequently - or offer to organise it and then people will definitely get to know you!) I hate having to mingle and make small talk, but trust me, you will be grateful that you have friends to do crazy things like offer to read chapters or listen to your rants or get you out of your office and computer-hunched posture by suggesting a random walk to the other end of campus and back. They will also make sure that you are alive and haven't been eaten by Alsatians if you haven't been in the office a couple of days or will send you home if you haven't left the office in a couple of days. 

I am not going to even mention how awesome and supportive and generous and wonderful my family are (because obviously I have the best family in the world) but I am going to say (again) that when I handed in my PhD, I was just overwhelmed by the number of people that sent me well-wishes. I realised how many people were supporting me and it kind of made all the work worth it... almost... the red cape will do the rest!!! :) 

PhewD

I feel like I haven't written a post in ages and have really missed the sympathetic glow of the blog webpage. (Lately the screen has been glaring at me with accusation and judgement... and in this last week it has been shining like a night light keeping me awake past the Cinderella hour). I have had lots of ideas about blogs I want to write, but (in an usually mature decision) the PhD came first. (Let's hope those ideas are still in there and haven't been brain bleached - 'brain bleached' is a term one of the Hout Bay team used, and I love it!!!) 

So, I currently have two copies (only two, because this is a resubmit it only goes back to the one examiner who didn't like it the first time - this does not seem a great strategy to me - and they keep one in the office "just in case") of my shiny PhD v.2.infinity sitting on the desk outside my office (my office, like my flat, my car and my hair, is a total mess - this has been driving me a little crazy in a low-level-simmering way, but if I didn't have time to write my blog I definitely didn't have time to tidy my world.) I am waiting for my saint-like supervisor to read my terse responses to the examiners comments and make them sound elegant. She's really very good at that, and she has also spent the last two days reading through my chapters "one last time". And she still has a smile for me today, she's amazing, but I will try not to gush!  

In fact, there are many amazing people in my world, so I fear that there will be some gushing. I will save that for another post, but it is just awesome, the number of people that called and sent me messages and well wishes, hugs and strength. My heart is swollen. If you can't tell, it is because I am really tired and so all emotion is hiding under a blanket pretending to sleep. (It feels like it has been a really long time since I have seen my friends in Cape Town, and I have really really missed them. I am so excited by the prospect of having a social life again, pretty please!!) 

So, hold thumbs for me, send happy thoughts to the one examiner who I REALLY REALLY hope is having a good day when he looks at it again and I shall post again soon. 

PS

Am I really the person that would write this sentence: "The ontogenetic effects of the incorporation of elements into the otolith is likely to vary among different species". It doesn't sound at all like something I would say and yet there it is in writing. Much of the PhD is like that, I look at it and wonder where it came from! 

Head up!

One of the things I marvel at in life, is the way different people perceive their value. I'm fully aware that I lack a certain assertiveness (depending on the environment - I have been known to boss people around, just a little... ) and I am actively working on it (just ask the poor people at Pick 'n Pay customer service) although I often tend to feel guilty when I make a fuss... (which I only ever do in a polite way, of course). 

I marvel at people that have an innate sense of their personal worth, who don't feel the need to apologise for taking up floor space or having an opinion (damn that involuntary blush!) or using up someone's time. I marvel that there are people, friends of mine, that don't understand if I feel guilty if I dither in a queue, or that I inevitably rush my doctors appointments because I am concerned I have trespassed too long on their time (despite paying a hefty sum for that time). I wonder how many people in the Business Sciences feel the same way... 

Of course, none of this really matters in a day to day world because I am quite good at faking assertiveness from time to time, but it all comes to a head when I am looking for jobs... I read the requirements and can instantly despair at all the requirements I do not meet where as other people, presumably, don't let that begin to concern them. I'm stumped before I start. I recently put forward a reference for myself (that the actual referee will hopefully edit and approve) and found it to be one of the most difficult tasks I had to do that week (and that's AFTER Googling "how to write a reference"). 

I remember reading  somewhere (in some reliable peer-reviewed resource like the Cosmopolitan Magazine) that men are more likely to apply for jobs for which they don't meet all the criteria than women and are therefore (obviously) more likely to get the position. Although I think that making it a gender issue over-simplifies things because I know women that believe that the things will just work out for them for no other reason than they deserve it, and sometimes (crucially not always) it does, and sometimes (again, not always) they do deserve it. 

I have mentioned that I am a compulsive volunteer, so I am so used to working for free, that the whole concept of being paid seems a huge bonus that I am excessively grateful for, even though I do, in fact, deserve it. And because I am currently unemployed (well, other than that short-term contract I started today and the PhD I am writing up) I am struggling to force myself to not apply for the positions that are offering a salary that would barely cover rent, even though it is more than I am being paid at the moment, I have decided that my time is worth something, with or without the PhD. (Please please please don't let that mean I am unemployed for ever!) 

So, as we move from eternal post-grad students, to real adults, how do we define our worth? As desperate as I am for a job in my field, I don't want to be taken advantage of. I acknowledge my lack of work experience, but hope that my qualifications count for something. I see the scarcity of jobs and hear about the science funding cuts around the world, but don't want to get stuck somewhere where I am undervalued. How do we find balance between job security and meaningfully contributing to society/conservation (because obviously I am not doing this just for money, otherwise I would have studied something in the Commerce faculty but I do need to start saving for a pension - eekkk* terrifying thought)? '

How do the timid PhD survivors, with their self esteem in tatters post-PhD, define themselves in the real world? Or is that what post-docs are for?

*How is that the first "eeekk" in my blog about surviving a PhD?

City of Gold, red and orange...

I grew up in one of the most dangerous cities in the country (well in the top 50, it doesn't make all the lists, but it has a bit of a reputation). However, when we were growing up, we played in badminton in the streets, and made houses of the crisp autumn leaves at the corner of our road (I guess just floor plans - leaves don't make great walls). I walked home from school, crisscrossing the road to stamp through the biggest leaf piles or planning my journey to include as many mulberries and those tart pink berries (not sure what they are called) as possible, always choosing to walk on the side of the jasmine bushes. 

A summer-time photo from the Westcliff
(incidentally, a FABULOUS spot for high tea)

We played in the streets, rode bicycles or walked everywhere and my friends lived close by. You might argue that it was the suburbs and doesn't really reflect Johannesburg as a whole (JHB is huge and diverse) but it was my Johannesburg and I loved it, and still do. I was very pleased to have a sneaky visit up there last week. It is the change of season, and the mornings are clear and crisp, tinged with frost, the days sunny and warm and the leaves are falling to form piles of crunchy leaves perfect for stomping in (I refrained, but I was tempted). 

This is my sister's photo, taken in Rosebank. 

It might not be the city for everyone, but it, like every where has aspects of loveliness. In addition, for me it is full of happy memories and sunshine. I came back to Cape Town feeling (a little sad to say goodbye to my fantastic JHB family and friends but) refreshed and happy. Sometimes, a little bit of time away, a change of scenery, a different group of people, is just the thing to give you a little extra energy and enthusiasm to face the same tedious tasks you still have to get done and survive the current cold front. 

Another of my sister or brother-in-law's pictures,
when I see this view, I know I am close to
(one of my) homes. 

I just want to be clear, the fact that I love JHB (and Ramsgate) doesn't mean I love Cape Town any less. I think one of the ways to be really happy, is to be happy wherever you are, there is beauty every where, amazing people to meet and the potential for happiness everywhere! 

Another view from Westcliff looking over JHB

When I got back from JHB on Wednesday morning, I went straight to vote before acting as a "greeter" for the political party I volunteer with. This basically just involved being a smiley face in front of the voting station. Obviously there are people that just can't be bothered to give a stranger a head tilt, others will open up with stories that can warm the heart. South Africa - the whole of the large, diverse, controversial, beautiful South Africa, is an amazing and wonderful place. There has been good and bad in the last 20 years but I am proud to call it all home.

(Even if there are people that are willing to vote EFF) 

The importance of tea

Fancy place to have tea in Cape Town

Despite the fact that I am an accomplished gusher, there is no way that I could gush sufficiently to portray how much I have appreciated my friends through the whole PhD process. Not only for their constant support, subtle (and not so subtle) ways of making sure I am eating properly and saintly patience with my whining (which I have made into a full on public affair with this blog) but also because when I found out I have to resubmit - they unanimously blamed the examiner and not my own inadequacies (even if they privately thought it they didn't let me know because they are really nice people).  

It isn't sunset... but it is a good view

There may be disadvantages of staying at one university for all your studies, but I plan on ignoring them and count myself lucky to have been at UCT through undergrad, Honours, MSc and PhD. This isn't just because it is the best university in South Africa - which it is - or that it means I haven't had to move from my lovely flat with a stunning sunset view, or that I can proudly say that my campus has been a castle in this movie (there is an element of tongue-in-cheek there) or that I love that I know almost everyone in the department (I really do love that), although all that is true, but it is because I have made some amazing friends here - and crazily enough, some of them have been with me since the first week of undergrad...

Fancy Michelangelo tea goodies - not a
feature in the department

I very clearly remember the absolutely terrified feeling I had when I realised that I had moved to a whole new town - straight out of high school - and didn't know a soul. My parents driving away, leaving me in front of the ugliest building I have ever been in (which would be "home" for the year) was one of the most daunting, loneliest moments in my life. So, I can imagine that starting a PhD (or MSc) at a new institute, must be even more scary, particularly since you might be put in a hole-in-the-wall office with no one to chat to.

Admittedly this was the end of year
function, not tea, but how cool are
these cakes?

So, this is why I advocate attending tea... Big departmental welcome functions are a little intimidating if, you are like me, and can only really handle speaking to a handful of people at a time. If your department has a tea time, it means that you can meet the handful of stalwarts that go to tea every day and hopefully make some friends. Hopefully, if you become a tea regular, people will notice when you are not there and come find you where you are hiding under your desk. I can not emphasize enough how important it is to have people you can count on during your PhD, because there will be times when you feel sad, and sometimes all it takes to make things better is knowing there is someone you can whine to or go to the pub with. (I have awesome friends all over the world, all of whom make my life more wonderful in many different ways, but I specifically mean people in the same town because that makes drinking together easier)

Proof - Tea is the Source of Happiness!

Obviously, when you move to a new town and want to meet new people, most suggestions would include getting a hobby or joining a team sport. So do that too, if you have time and are passionate about something, but if you find you have too much work to do, or not interested in sport (that's me) try going to tea. (Or, do pilates at the Studio Group... because it is awesome and they notice when you haven't been for a while, and isn't that what we all want, someone to care if we are around or not?) If nothing else it gives you an excuse to stand up from your desk and drink some yummy tea!!!

Fancy place to have tea in JHB
(Westcliff)

If your department doesn't have a tea time, suggest it to the HOD -  not only is it a good time to meet people, it can also foster collaborations, provide a platform for intellectual discussion and a place for people to stay in touch with the greater workings in the department. It is a small suggestion that might result in meeting some new friends, that could make all the difference to how much you enjoy your PhD... I know that I couldn't do it without my awesome friends and the happy moments I have had with them (and the yummy meals they have shared with me!)

Or... since I am babbling as a result of free sugar at a workshop this morning... maybe you should rather read this article on how to stay sane during your PhD...

OH and Happy World Penguin Day!!!!

He who shall not be named

Friday has just crept up on me unawares... 

Stolen from the internet,
but just in case you need the reminder

You know that scene in Harry Potter the Order of the Phoenix (of course you do) where Harry is lying on the floor, possessed by Voldemort who is telling Dumbledore that he has lost... Dramatic moment... And, while that is going on, Harry is flipping through these poignant mental images of happy memories - the one that resonates with me is this sepia-esque shot of Harry, Ron and Hermione giggling in front of the fire, discussing the fact that Ron has the depth of a teaspoon. So, if you remember (obviously you do), Harry Potter  pushes Voldemort out with: "you're the weak one, you'll never know love, or friendship and I feel sorry for you." (Yes, I HAD to watch it again to check...) 

You are unlikely (thank goodness) to be fighting the unnameable forces of evil personified (and sadly, you don't get to go to Hogwarts) but it is possible that you are sometimes feeling alone, overwhelmed and as though you are tackling something monstrous, much bigger than yourself. If you find yourself lying on the floor, feeling defeated, make sure that you have a catalogue of happy memories that you can flip through to fight the demons off.  

The "bad" news is, to build up this catalogue, you can't possibly spend every evening and weekend working. You need to keep up the friendships and be open to giggle moments. My catalogue of moments generally include sunshine and wine... and my awesome, awesome (pink champagne drinking) friends. These moments will hopefully get you through those Word-crashing, R-flopping, late-night-working, nothing-going-right weeks and still give you something to smile about. And, like Harry, you don't have to do it all alone. There are people that will help, people that care about you and people that will giggle with you (some particularly rad people will do all those things). Thank goodness, unlike Harry, it's just a PhD that you have to battle with...

It's almost weekend, go out and add some happy moments to your catalogue. 

My favourite month

Words are powerful tools that can create worlds, bring fictional characters to life and into your heart, weave magic and beauty, but there are some tasks that words are inadequate for - or at least my power to yield them is inadequate - particularly when I am talking about something sad in a blog that is meant to embrace optimism... Sometimes it is difficult to find the right words... but I have to try.

My favourite beach 

This week was my birthday, a happy day spent travelling back from a weekend with my folks and one of my favourite ladies (thanks to their amazing generosity). An evening that was spent drinking champagne, eating beer bread and decorating cookies - bliss.

BUT 

This week would also have been my cousin's birthday... I have mentioned my cousin a couple of times in this blog and in "The other F word" I told you that she had passed away - two innocent, innocuous words for a world of sorrow and change.






I have always treasured that our birthdays were in the same month, just a couple of days apart. I am a few years younger than my sisters and cousins, and often felt as though I missed out a bit on growing up together and the closeness that that (being in school together, graffiti-ing the patio, early days of clubbing, first kisses etc) brings. (There was no small amount of hero-worshiping of my older sisters and cousins, you can tell and it grew into a deep love and respect as I got older...) So, it may seem silly, but sharing our birthday month made me feel like I had a special bond with my cousin too. I was even more excited when her daughter (my goddaughter) managed to be born in February too! 

The first page of my notebook

I have mentioned that having to resubmit my PhD was one of the reasons I started this blog. There was another motivator. Way back in 2006, for my birthday, my cousin gave me a lovely notebook. In the front she had written that it was a book for me to write stories, ideas, poetry in (see photo). She would often say that I had a nice writing style and that when she read an email from me it was like having me sit in the lounge with her and tell her a story. (If you have had an email from me you will know that they are usually LONG stories...) Instead, I used the book to write down snippets of books that I had fallen in love with, snippets of genius, or facts that I thought interesting but knew I would forget (I have a terrible memory when it comes to details). When she found that out, she was disappointed that I used it for other people's words and not my own.







So, this blog is a little bit for Sandra, because I like to think that she would have enjoyed seeing me write, and I am sure she would have read my blog and encouraged me - she always had my back. I loved that she retained the thought that I live a glamorous life (this is despite me telling her about the 1000's of fish I had to dissect and that you can't do dolphin research in Namibia in a bikini!) Happy birthday JHB Cuz. This blog is also to remind me, and you since you are reading it, to LIVE. Celebrate life. Don't put off everything until after you have finished this, that, or your PhD. Yes, work, work hard and finish it, but also live, laugh, love.

P.S. Life is about balance, and this tragedy has taught me that, while you shouldn't save the bottle of caramel vodka for a special occasion that might never come, you should also not drink it all on one New Year's Eve...

Happy Valentines Day

quick, from-the-car shot

I thought that seeing it is the "day of love" I would just list some of my favourite things (there are MANY but I am choosing some that I can mostly, but not exclusively, access from my desk)... If I was Oprah I would give you the give-able favourite things, but I am not... so, just enjoy the pictures :) 

Obviously, I love Cape Town and love UCT, not only is it one of the most beautiful campuses in the world (no, really, there was a vote) but it is where so many of my friends and people I admire are and, where I can have tea at 10:30.

Check out how beautiful it is by clicking here. 

For some of the reasons I love Cape Town, click here . (Incidentally, there are some in that list that aren't part of the reason I love Cape Town, but you'll get an idea of how awesome it is - especially in February! I love February!) 

Then, for keep me sane (?) and inspiring myself with lofty literary thoughts I stalk these two websites: 

PHD Comics (for reminding me that I am not alone in my frustrations/joys/geekiness, there is a valentine's day comic today click here) and Brain Pickings (that's for the lofty literary thoughts and because there are so many clever people out there and I love seeing how they think. Check out this one on LOVE) 

There are sooo many distractions out there, and I really don't need to introduce more to my world so I try avoid watching TV or getting sucked into new series. I do allow myself to love the brilliant How I Met Your Mother (because it deals with most things life throws at you in a funny way - which is just what I need) and Big Bang Theory (which is fair enough really, because they make me feel like a normal person in comparison to their uber-geekiness). If you talk about other shows I may stare at you blankly... I apologise (unless you are talking about Friends...I love Friends).

I also love reading, pretty much anything but of course I have my favourites (Douglas, Terry, Deanna, Bryce and definitely Jasper Fforde). There is unlikely to ever be a time that I will actually succeed in not being completely addicted to reading although I have tried to deny myself from time to time in order to increase PhD-productivity (it never lasts...). I find Good Reads helps me keep track of the books I have read and how I felt about them at the time but I love Book Drum which is the book equivalent of special features on a DVD (my very talented sister has a number of reviews on the site, and we worked together on The Eyre Affair).



To counteract sitting hunched over my PC or curled up with a book I do pilates, and, surprisingly for someone as anti exercise as I am, I truly do love it. I think it has a lot to do with the really lovely instructors, the beautiful garden outside the studio, the small classes and the visible improvements I have seen in the proximity of my toes to my fingers (Honest +Kerri, +Chris). Or, maybe it is because we get wine after class on Fridays!!! (Pretty excited that I have pilates today!)

Always keen for an excuse to enjoy
the beauty of Cape Town

I love the Couch Surfing project, because it is just awesome to think that there are so many cool people out there that will do things for  complete strangers with no monetary gain. I love that people just want to meet people from different cultures and show off their home (or adopted) towns. I also happen to love meeting people from all over the world and showing off the beautiful Cape Town. I love the fact that couch surfing can result in having adventures you would never have otherwise had - even in your own town (including getting to jump the queue to visit the Italian naval frigate docked at the Waterfront to visit my couch surfing friend in uniform).

Italian frigate - travelling around the world doing good -
exactly what war ships should be doing. 

This is also stolen off the internet. It is
KISS by Roy Lichtenstein. 

I don't love shopping (particularly grocery shopping which always seems like a waste of money; petrol is even worse!) If I were to choose websites where I enjoy browsing (because frankly that's mostly what I can afford to do) I love all the AWESOME kitchen gadgets on Yuppie Chef (they also have brilliant customer service, frequent competitions and are just a really funky business) and browsing Jack Vettriano's prints on the Heart break publishing site or looking for cool pop art pictures like those by Roy Lichtenstein. There are things I do love buying, for instance wine and chocolate, but I haven't resorted to doing that online.



I have also successfully completed my alcohol-free month so am very excited to be able to drink wine again - I do love wine! But I am mostly sticking to my chocolate only on the weekends rule - yay me! 

Then, there are things that I think are really neat and just want to tell you about, like a thing for scheduling dates that suit multiple people - RAD! And I have mentioned Work Rave in a previous blog. I definitely DO NOT want to tell you about Pottermore because it is a time thief... do NOT look at it, ever, resist! (But, if you do, I am in Hufflepuff and supposedly they aren't as useless as you think they are...)




Even if you are single, Life is Beautiful, there is so much to celebrate and are so many small things that I love: just-brushed teeth, the macro function on my camera, my camera, the smell of my pencil when I write, the sound my keyboard makes when I type quickly, the feeling of champagne bubbles on my tongue, pink (or minus-green) and, definitely, YOU for reading my blog!!!!

Happy Valentines Day!!!! 

I also LOVE this... but it made me cry... in a good way (not good for my mascara). Maybe since it is a week of love, we could all do some random act of kindness... If you want, tell me about it in the comments...