Net-work it

Former Botany Department

This week is the Biodiversity Southern Africa conference at UCT. About a year ago the former Botany (which officially formed in 1903 after starting in the late 1800's) and Zoology (also started in 1903 but with only one person and one room it wasn't something to brag about) departments merged to become the all new Department of Biological Sciences. What did this mean for me and my fellow 'botzoos', not that much, well at least not until the new tea room opened; now we all mingle at 10:30 over restorative tea or coffee from the neon green coffee machine (environmentally friendly - but I haven't used it yet because frankly it's a little intimidating). Until this conference which is to showcase the fab new department and all the amazing work we are doing... No really...

Former Zoology Department
(My office window is the one
with the fab balcony above
the arch! - AWESOME)

I have mentioned before in "added bonus" that conferences are an opportunity to remind yourself how exciting and awesome your field really is. There are people doing really cool, sexy research, and you know, there are probably people that will think you are doing really cool, sexy research because they don't have to deal with the nitty-gritty, brain-numbing, data-punching, 1000-dissections repetitiveness. The conference had a number of really brilliant, inspiring talks. 

Marcus Byrne and the cooler-than-you-would-think dung beetle

After one of the public lectures I was so excited about the work that had been presented I was just buzzing. Marcus Byrne from WITS University gave a presentation entitled "'Jika ne Langa' - Turn with the Sun - Like a Dung Beetle". I was gushing about dung beetles like a teenage girl with a crush after his talk. He has a real gift for making science exciting and engaging his audience. What I particularly like about his research is how real it is. I know that sounds weird, but one of the things that I have always loved about science is the sexy experiment, manipulate the environment this way or that to find out what's causing the patterns you see.

Recently I have felt a little more removed from that so it was nice to see some great experimental research.

Beautiful (but not indigenous) Jacaranda.

Another aspect of it is hearing all the things that still need to be done. It is a different kind of inspiring when you realise that there is so much exciting and (from a conservation point of view) urgent work to be done. People need to do science, good science!!! There is so much we need to know. I took away from the one of the talks is that although we feel frustrated by a lack of changes resulting out of research, some things require patience. John Hoffman of UCT spoke of various biocontrol methods being used to mitigate the spread of alien plant species. From where I sit, we still have a huge problem with alien vegetation, but he convinced me that there has been a remarkable change, it is just that people forget how things were before. My laboured point is, conferences really are a great way to remind yourself how cool your field is. 

Of course, the thing about conferences is, you can't really just sit and soak in other people's work. Chances are, you are going to have to present your own work at some stage too, which many people find to be a nerve-wracking occasion. This may seem like a bad thing, but there are unexpected positives: having to present your work means you will have a hard deadline by which you have to do your work, always useful in a world of procrastination. It also means that  people will finally cotton on to what you are doing (and in my case, hopefully realise that I am no longer working on African Penguins - come on people, it has been 5 years!!!) and maybe even have ideas for you or will remind you that your work is exciting too! If nothing else, I suspect that the more often you present the easier it becomes. There are people better suited to telling you how to ace a talk. (Check out thesis whisperer) I am still trying to figure out how to struggle through these things myself. Of course, the usual hints are redundant because you should know them by now... practice, make eye contact, ooze enthusiasm, avoid slang, don't put too many words on a slide etc. 

I think the biggest unforgivable presentation faux pas is to go over time. Chances are you will be rushing towards the end so are more likely to make mistakes/mumble and no one will be listening to you after your time is up anyway because they are watching the reaction of the session chair or wondering how they can sneak out quietly. Having listened to dozens of presentations, your audience will have little sympathy for you if you trespass on their time for longer than you are allowed. If you practice anything, practice timing.

After the talk, avoid the "I should've...", "I meant to... " self abuse, it is finished and  probably went well. Organise to go to the pub and have a glass of wine (completely out of character I actually had hot chocolate instead but that was because my smart "presenting-dress" was ill suited for the ridiculously cold evening - unexpected in southern hemisphere December.) I tend to agonise over what I should have said, and what I forgot to mention, it isn't a healthy practice. I think, the best is if you have a friend that you can trust to tell you in a nice, non-critical, constructive way whether or not you have any bad habits, but other than that, just put all your post presentation angst in a bubble and blow it away...

Delheim's un-irrigated vineyards. 

As an aside, I was part of the organising committee for this conference which was great because I met and worked with people I wouldn't have otherwise known. It was also good during the conference because on the evening of the cheese and wine I was pouring wine so many more people came to speak to me than I would otherwise have spoken to.

WWF - BWI doing great stuff!

Yummy lunch at Delheim

It also meant that I could suggest/organise (I forget who actually suggested it, but I ended up organising it - with help of course) a field excursion to the winelands as an official outing. (We learnt about the Biodiversity and Wine Initiative and what Delheim is doing to be more sustainable and environmentally conscious, but we also got to drink wine!!!) Actually, I was really impressed with what they are doing, they seem to really care about their impact on the world and aren't just ticking boxes. It is a family farm and they seem very passionate about the environment, and I didn't realise how complicated making wine could be. I would have been convinced that they were cool people just by the number of very happy looking dogs and cats that had the run of the place. So I will leave you with the suggestion that you really should drink more Delheim wine - and since it is Friday afternoon, you may as well start now...

Yummy, guilt-free wine!

Last night I "Waka Waka"-ed with Freshly Ground

This post is named after the text I sent my friend +Monica  this morning, still buzzing with enthusiasm from last night's activities. This post (refreshingly) has nothing to do with my PhD, but since today is graduation day, and I am working hard on bottling the bitterness that I am not currently in a red gown glowing with happiness in my parents' photos, I think I will allow myself a bonus blog this week and gush about how awesome last night was. 

Mandela in Pink on the fan walk

We caught a train from Rondebosch and headed through to town. It was certainly reminiscent of the 2010 World Cup, a sense of anticipation, friendly camaraderie and an excessively full train from the southern suburbs to town. We even walk the fan walk (now re-dubbed the "walk of remembrance") from the station to the stadium. A fantastic traffic policewoman told us it was our right to cross the road with a big grin as she stopped the flow of cars - amazingly she kept this enthusiasm going all night when we spotted her on our return journey at 10:30pm still smiling. 

Once at the stadium the security was really relaxed, everyone seemingly more interested in being friendly than thorough. The crowd was also a really relaxed, friendly crowd, with people striking up conversations with random strangers sitting close to them. I think that is a general characteristic of South Africans at sporting venues (or at least it has been in my experience). 

"Sell out" crowd of 53 000 - rumour has it... 

We were sitting near the top of the stands and the sound wasn't awesome, so I was checking the twitter feeds to see if I was missing anything important and to tell me who some of the VIPs were that were speaking, because I couldn't quite catch the names. (I didn't really care that much about the sound because I was so happy to be there and it was an entirely free event hosted at short notice, and later we moved to where the sound was better anyway). Twitter mentioned something about boo-ing, but I didn't hear any, and I thought the atmosphere was generally friendly, celebratory, joyful and proudly South African! (I am anti booing; I was really disappointed to hear what happened in JHB, it wasn't the time or place, show your dissatisfaction with your votes.)

The first time I really identified as being "South African", and PROUDLY so, was during the 1995 Rugby World Cup - I was 12 years old. It was the last time I knew every single player on the national team, and what positions they played. I knew more about rugby then than I do now. I get goose bumps when I hear "Shosholoza", STILL! I can still picture the streets of northern suburbs Johannesburg after the final, and it brings a lump to my throat! It was fantastic to hear the then captain of our victorious rugby team still bring in the enthusiatic, voice-drowning cheers. Francois Pienaar, you beauty! 

Trevor Manual and Patricia De Lille
lapping up the crowd's cheers. 

You can check out the different articles online, and so won't go through everything. (Although my experience differs to what has been reported in some press e.g. this Mail and Guardian article which suggests that Annie Lennox was a welcome relief... And you can see photos here, including a selfie of Francois and Shado Twala referencing the selfie of Barack Obama, David Cameron and Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt, (and some people from my department in the center of the photo 4). I thought Helen Zille gave a really brave, enthusiastic speech, I loved Francois of course, and I have always liked Trevor Manual and he didn't disappoint last night. What really stands out is the 11 year old poet, Botlhale Boikanyo she spoke with such passion and confidence, I was blown away. 

I wasn't sure about Annie Lennox, but I loved, will always love Johnny Clegg - the man is a legend and I wish he had stayed on stage for longer. The crowd were all on their feet for the Bala Brothers who were goose-bump brilliant. I haven't seen them before but I will definitely be trying to see them again. 

Somehow, we wangled our way on to the field once the sun was down and the dancing started in earnest. (The sound was infinitely better from there). I have wanted to see Freshly Ground live for years, and somehow or other I have never managed to coordinate my schedule and budget to their performances. I think that it was worth the wait that last night's magical celebration was the first time that I ending up seeing them; dancing to "Waka Waka" (+Dayne!!!!!!!!!) on the pitch of one of the World Cup 2010 Stadiums will be something I never forget. I was jumping up and down too much to get a photo. The evening ended with Ladysmith Black Mambazo's hauntingly beautiful voices. Well, and a train trip back to the southern suburbs with a lovely group of fellow train go-ers, and glimpsing the green lazer Mandela on the side of Table Mountain. What a night... What a magical way to remember and celebrate the life of the most extraordinary South African, the most amazing human. 

RIP Madiba

Today, I was going to chat about UCT's Biodiversity Conference and maybe that post will still come at some stage, but there is only one real piece of news today. 

I found out about Mandela's passing through a Whatsapp message from my sister +Tessa Hampton close to midnight last night. I checked Twitter, and you can imagine every post was carrying the same, breaking, heartbreaking news.

He was old, and has worked harder than anyone throughout his life to achieve something miraculous in South Africa. He was frail and the world has been expected this news for months already (he was in hospital in Pretoria while my family was going through its own personal tragedy, so it didn't really sink in at that time). He, more than anyone, deserves to rest in peace. And yet I can't help feeling completely saddened by the news.  And I have been trying to think why. 

I am going to try explain my own feelings of loss, however undeserved, with a story from years ago. In 2005, the first year of my MSc on African Penguins, I was very excited to have the opportunity to take my parents across to Robben Island to show them what I do. Unfortunately the Robben Island ferry was delayed, as it so often is. This time, however, no one in the world would have been annoyed by this inconvenience because the ferry was cancelled so that Mandela could meet the staff of the Robben Island Museum at the Waterfront offices. 

2005. The closest I have ever been to the great icon. 

My mom, dad and I were thrilled to be at the Waterfront for the occasion, well, hardly an occasion, he literally just walked through towards the office from the parking lot surrounded by body guards and admirers. I literally glimpsed his head and my dad managed this (treasure) photograph by holding the camera high above his head. 

I can't adequately describe the excitement I felt at glimpsing the top of an old man's head. And I think I can explain why. This is not the kind of mania surrounding other famous people, movie stars or sporting heroes. For me anyway, this man is the personification of hope. 

I think that one of the things that makes South Africans amazing people, and I unashamedly state that we are, despite what some of my foreign friends that have had to deal with Home Affairs think, is that we live in HOPE. We have had to. We have gone through an enormous change in this country, in politics, ideologies, economics, even being allowed to play sport with the rest of the world, and honestly it could have gone completely wrong. I suspect, that many people are still waiting for it to go completely wrong, but I hazard the majority of people continue to live in hope that this great social experiment, brought about by the vision of this extraordinary man, will work. South Africans are strong, resilient, positive people who have maintained hope through dark days of apartheid and (persistently) tumultuous days of forming a new country and he personified all of that. (Incidentally, we are also very good at laughing at ourselves and each other which is a very useful trait). 

So, I think that I feel sad for all the people that won't get to glimpse Mandela's head and that this living beacon of hope is no longer with us. I don't foresee that it will fundamentally change anything, but it is still a deeply sad day. Of course, I feel sad for his family and loved ones, but that sadness is the same, more distant sadness that I would feel, in passing, for the family and loved ones of any other person I don't personally know. 

That's my two cents worth of what I am sure will be the most spoken about topic for weeks to come. 

RIP Madiba!

PS UCT just had a gathering to mark the passing of Mandela. The Vice Chancellor said one thing that really stood out to me. (I may have the quote wrong but the just...) "The way you live your life will pay greater tribute to Mandela than anything we say today"

added bonus

Brinny in Christmas jewels

The naked computer -
my graphics card melted a
couple of years ago. 

It has been a bit like Christmas in our lab. The research staff need to finish off their funding before the end of the month, so people have been receiving new screens/laptops etc. Of course I haven't - that's VERY understandable given that I should have already been out of here years ago, but as I sit with my naked computer that is slower than... I am to think of an analogy to put in here. I wonder where I have been going wrong over the years.

University of Aberdeen

This extends beyond the computer of course. I have enviously watched friends and colleagues dashing off to Amsterdam, Canary Islands, Japan, USA, Tasmania etc. Throughout my (rather extended) post graduate career, I have been to ONE international conference and I was able to do that because I was funded by SAEON who knew me from my time as a (occasionally it felt like "the") SAEON-GSN committee member. (* I have been to numerous local conferences - that I have loved and found immensely useful for meeting people that I am sure to see and again and possibly work with! *) That conference was the World Marine Biodiversity Conference in Aberdeen, Scotland. It was amazing... huge, rather intimidating but amazing and I met someone lovely, who is hopefully going to make the world of difference to my PhD.

The Sven Loven Centre for Marine
Sciences, Tjarno, Sweden

I also went to a FANTASTIC (seriously, so useful, so much fun, I met fabulous people from so many countries, and swam in the sea at midnight - in SWEDEN - if you can GO!) "Experimental Design and Data Analysis for Marine Scientists" course in Sweden. That doesn't count because I paid for that myself, nerd that I am. (The course was free, and included accommodation and food, so really I just paid for my flights and it was very definitely worth it.)

View from our accommodation in Tjarno

Obviously you don't just go to conferences because it is an exciting opportunity/excuse to travel; they are important places to network, put your work (and yourself) out there and engage with people working in the same field. It is also a chance to rejuvenate your passion and enthusiasm in your field by seeing the awesome things that other people are doing. Rumour has it, it is a very good way to find post docs/jobs, because when hundreds of people are applying for the same position, it helps if the person you are applying to has met you before or seen your (presumably excellent) presentation.

So what did I do wrong???

Say what you like, but I do love JHB!
This pic was taken by +Kerri and
+Chris  in 2010 (soccer fever year)

• I struggled so much to get results, that by the time I did I was too late to apply for many of the grants that require you to be in your 2nd year of PhD. 
• I am DEFINITELY not assertive enough, I felt so bad about asking for refunds for flights to Pretoria that I only started doing so in my second year despite it being a legitimate expense. (Never mind how much money it cost me driving back and forth from Johannesburg (where I could stay for free with my parents) to Pretoria (where I did all my lab work) - I never even mentioned that to my supervisors.
• My work isn't the main interest of my primary supervisor. (She's brilliant, and has been really supportive and helpful, but does quite different work to my PhD and mostly she is my primary supervisor because I wanted to be registered at UCT.) So I guess make sure that your supervisor is as desperate to get your work acknowledged as you are.  

UCT is the cluster of red roofs on the
far side of Rondebosch Common -
A seriously beautiful spot for a campus! 

What can you do right???

• ASK, I guess the worst that can happen is you get refused. (Always easier to give advice than take it).
• When I did get to go to Aberdeen, as I said the money was from SAEON, it is important to look into sourcing your own funding, so you can at least go to your supervisor with partial funding in the bag. 

Of course, since I have had a complete LACK of success in this I thought I would ask some friends what they think is the right approach:

+Emily (who has been to Amsterdam twice this year and Denmark last year) wins the prize for giving two pieces of really useful advice:

1. "Don't underestimate the power of your MOU (memorandum of understanding/contract).

Make sure you get what you expect out of your degree and your relationship with your supervisor by putting it in your MOU. Number of holidays you are allowed to take, a new computer/laptop/hard drive should you need it, how often you will meet your supervisor. sure, maybe meeting every 2 weeks isn't necessary in the middle of your work, but at the start and end you need those meetings, and you can use your MOU to remind them that they have the obligation to you to meet the terms agreed to.

2. Look for external funding for trips, conferences and other interesting workshops.

Your supervisor wants you to attend things and if you can find your own funding they will support it with a very nice letter. If you are caught short they are more likely to pick up the difference too."

+Kate (who went to the Penguin conference in Bristol this year)
let me use her lovely alliteration poem 

3. And from a discussion with +Sally  and others this week: Get friendly with your department's technical people (they can be fabulously useful)!!!

OK, but if you don't get to go to exotic locations, don't despair - just make sure that your awesome friends bring you back treats from foreign lands. (Thanks +Emily  and Kate)


PS I seriously can't think of a good title for this post, so if you have anything, let me know :)

The 'F' Word

There are various examples of people talking about the benefits of failure (TED on failure including the amazing E.O. Wilson with his advice to young scientists) and how it shouldn't be something to be scared of. I am not sure that helps much when you are banging your head against your desk - but I am still going to talk to you about my own experiences and maybe you can find a tiny ray of hope or enjoy a moment of smugness that you didn't have these experiences. 

Above: Me - way back when: with my
wave-tunnel. The photo is taken by
my supervisor, Charlie Griffiths.
Below: The alien crab (photo by Arthro)

In honours (in South Africa, it is a 3 year BSc followed by 1 year Honours) we had two research projects. One of mine was meant to be on spiny starfish Marthasterias glacialis eating sea snails (Oxystele spp). I was investigating prey size or species preference - honestly, I just don't remember the details. We collected the star fish and snails from a lovely spot in False Bay, brought them back to the aquarium and set everything up... Nothing happened. The silly star fish didn't want to eat. There was no reason for this not working, it was a simple, neat experiment (that I forget the details of so don't try replicate it to prove me wrong), but it flopped. 

My supervisor, who really is one of my heroes in science, and I came up with another idea (OK, I was in Honours, it was probably all his idea). I really loved this project too. I set off to the V&A Waterfront with a crab trap baited with sardines I had bought from Pick n Pay (I resisted buying the ones marinaded in tomato sauce) and sat on the pier catching crabs (you can imagine the teasing I received during this project). I then tested the gripping strength of an invasive crab species (Carcinus maenas) compared to a local species (Plagusia chabrus) by putting them in a wave tunnel and timing how long it took until they let go off the rock. (Spoiler alert - the local species was much better adapted to wave exposed coastlines). This second project worked out really well and was subsequently published and won me a poster prize at the South African Marine Science Symposium in 2008. (*Failure flop*)

Above: Ridiculously adorable penguins
at Boulders Beach.
Below: Transponder reader installed
on Robben Island. 

Me fitting a flipper band

In my MSc, on African Penguins, (I know you are thinking ahhhhhh - but don't be fooled, those seriously adorable, ridiculously photogenic birds can be surprisingly mean and their bites draw blood!!) I was testing whether flipper banding impacted on foraging trip duration and survival. Half the birds were banded and all birds had a unique transponder inserted under their skins (like the pet ID you use with dogs and cats?) I had set up a walk-through transponder reader to record time and direction they were going in on one of the major penguin highways on Robben Island. The trouble was, half the time, it didn't work: the computer overheated, the power on the island was ridiculously unreliable and each time it failed I lost EVERYTHING, I couldn't reliably tell which way the birds were walking etc. Near the end of my first (of 2) year I was understandably in a panic. 

Photo taken by +Richard Sherley of penguins walking through
transponder reader on Robben Island. 

A view of Boulders Beach.

As a back-up plan, we decided to do a breeding success study at Boulders Beach (between banded and unbanded birds). This meant watching the sunrise over one of the most beautiful beaches in Cape Town on my weekly nest rounds (sometimes while knee-deep in guano, of course). Again, this work was actually published. (*Failure flop*)  Incidentally, my amazing friend +Andrew , who is one of the cleverest people I know, (he is now a software engineer and lecturer at Oxford) managed to rescue the other part of my project and in the end I had a whole chapter on methods (and their problems) in my thesis. 

Boulders Beach penguins

(Unfortunately, the biggest failure for penguin work is that the ridiculously adorable African Penguin population has plummeted and they are at seriously risk of disappearing all together despite a lot of effort going in to protecting them. Check out the amazing stuff being done at SANCCOB and some of the awesome research being done by various people at UCT  - +Kate 's penguin tracks blog, ADU website, +Richard's site or Penguin Watch. And if you can support with MySchool or "buy" a penguin from SANCCOB or come visit Robben Island on an Earthwatch team.)

These are just two examples from my earlier postgraduate days and there were MANY more stumbling blocks along the way (occasionally blood, sweat and tears all in the SAME day). The number of troubles increased EXPONENTIALLY with my PhD but that needs a whole new blog post - possibly accompanied by the fortifying strength of a bottle of wine.

Don't be fooled; that beak is strong

Greeting the sunrise on Boulders Beach

Breakup survival #2

Supporting Ghana at Loftus

So, in my previous post, I told you some examples of how everyone else was amazing, but now I want to tell you some of the things I did to cope.

• I stopped listening to music radio; music tends to be either about love or heartbreak and I couldn't handle any one else's emotions on top of my own. I had my fabulous compilation of angry chic music (thanks +Kerri and +Chris ) but I also listened to News/Talk radio instead (702/Cape Talk) and was more informed than I've been in ages (*unexpected bonus*)

• I decided to say YES to every opportunity that came my way. This meant going to parties I would previously have made excuses to avoid - for no good reason! I volunteered for a local branch of a political party (and, incidentally, still do) where I met people I would never have otherwise met. Through this I went to houses straight out of magazines, saw Helen Zille and got to drive ladies that had been alive in WW2 to voting stations (AMAZING!) On the flip side of this, I also went to help at a by-election in the heart of the Cape Flats, where I saw 2 children and a dog squabbling over a piece of food someone had nonchalantly tossed to the floor. It is hard to feel self pity at moments like that. 

Fortuitously, it was also the year South Africa hosted the Football World Cup and I went BIG! Admittedly, this didn't do wonders for my PhD, but it did make me very happy and I have awesome memories from this period. It would have been a very different world cup if I had been in a relationship (much less partying to all hours, I am sure) and I wouldn't have spent so much time with the lovely +Dayne Davey . 

• One of the less glamorous moments also lead to good things. (Let me remind you, I was a mess, and would quietly skulk into my office just trying not to cry, I shudder to think of it now). My boyfriend was in the same department as me, so we had tended to have lunch together and he was often the only person that I exchanged more than a greeting with the whole day (super diligent, QUIET office). One day, one of my office mates innocently said the usual, "hi" and I promptly burst into tears. From then on we actually chatted to each other, socialised outside work and work was a much happier place for me. I also started to go to departmental tea - and have never stopped. Now I look forward to seeing so many people I count as friends at work every day.  (*unexpected bonus*)

Hitting back at the world
on a night out in Knysna

• I went to Knysna for an awesome weekend with friends... and... I kissed a twenty year old. When you kiss a 20 year (so scandalous) in a night club, it's as though the whole world disappears and all that exists is that kiss. I had forgotten that I miss kissing like that.  (*unexpected bonus*) and the best part is, I went home with the friends I love, to (unadvisedly) finish another bottle of wine (I blame +Dayne). 

Being single also gave me time to devote to lots of activities, including a very rewarding year being post grad rep. for our department, some really big nights out, quality time with friends I had neglected, making new friends and yes, inevitably, more time on my thesis. It also started me wearing mascara (under my cousin Sandra's insistence - she said it would help me face the world if I feel attractive, there was a new hairstyle at this point too) and I still wear it; I almost think of it as war paint to face the day. (No idea what the male equivalent would be???) 

A long term perk of my (persistent) singledom is that I when the crucial "what next" question rears its ugly, persistent head, I only have to think about me, which sounds selfish, but really opens up the world. I don't think it's necessarily that fate hands you a teaspoon of sugar to help the rough times go down, but more that you are open to new worlds when your comfortable, rut-world implodes. 

I love the Lady Julia Grey books by Deanna Raybourn, and included an extract from the first one (Silent in the Grave) in my previous blog, but I LOVE  this extract even more. 

Breakup survival #1

You are doing a PhD, you are pretty much in a world of your own focused on the stresses associated with that. Unfortunately, you don't exist in a bubble and some time life gives you a bit of a slap in the face...

In April of my 3rd year, my boyfriend broke up with me. CRUSHED! It was a complete shock - a bit like I imagine being hit by a truck would feel like, well fewer broken bones, but still shaky and nauseous. AND he did it just after a had put in a 96 well PCR, which was a massive moment for me given that so little of my lab work had been working. That PCR was (expensively) abandoned, that page in my lab book out-of-bounds. I managed to smile my way through a quick meeting that afternoon (A true testament to my stiff-upper-lip English ancestors) and then we drove the 67km from Pretoria to Johannesburg in the same car, but no longer together.

BLISS - 200m away from the new
house - definitely worth the stress

This all happened in a really manic week in the history of my family. My parents were retiring and moving to KwaZulu-Natal, my sister and her fiance were out from England (he was meeting most of the family for the first time); there was lots of stress and the emotions associated with leaving the house we had grown up in and lived in for over 20 years. Also, it wasn't just me hurting, everyone close to me was surprised and sad about the break-up. We (the boyfriend and I) had also booked a weekend away to attend a wedding (can you imagine going to a wedding with a broken heart?) that I still feel sad and guilty about missing, particularly since I still haven't given them the present.

So obviously, stressful time, and then THIS! I lost my appetite (that's never happened to me before!) and to this day I haven't managed to finish reading Duncton Wood, not because it is sad but because I couldn't stand that two moles (jealous of MOLES!? Really Shannon?) could be so in love and my heart was broken. Still, I went with my folks to their new home and I tried to be helpful and enthusiastic and to be honest it was a great trip. It is also probably the only holiday I've had in many years where I did NO PhD work and didn't feel even a tiny but GUILTY (*unexpected bonus*).

If you ever have this experience - and I sincerely hope you don't - I want to let you know there are actually good things about it too. Hard to believe, I know, but maybe some of the things I learnt can help you out??

• My family was AMAZING, so supportive and actually... I have no words. 

• My sister, +Kerri McDonald, and her husband, +Chris McDonald, compiled an awesome collection of angry chic music (Google - there's lots out there) to which I could sing (badly) along.  We also watched YouTube videos which were so much more angry than I was feeling (or indeed have ever felt) that, oddly, I felt a better instantly. She also gave me chocolate for breakfast  (*unexpected bonus*). 

• My cousin, Sandra, gave me an A5 notebook in which, she told me, I was to write 3 pages every day and NEVER look back. (Of course I looked back - it is full of the most awful, miserable nonsense). I always find writing therapeutic, (I guess that explains the blog), and it was good to have somewhere to moan without exhausting my friends/family. 

Uvongo beach:
 my childhood favourite.

• My mom, never a fan of road-tripping was even more indulgent than usual and we did some great trips around the KZN south coast with Dad, +Tessa Hampton and her man. (*unexpected bonus*)

• My friends were so awesome, either with their indignation and anger that saved me the trouble of being angry, or just their silent support. I truly felt so loved that my heart still swells with gratitude for my awesome friends years later. It really stopped me taking them for granted in my PhD-addicted life. (*unexpected bonus*)

• Once back in Cape Town, I went to the campus therapist (he had the same name as the ex, but I didn't hold that against him) and he told me the most USEFUL thing I can probably share with you: he said that I wasn't depressed, I was sad and in mourning, and that I should LET myself be! Sometimes you actually need someone to tell you this because I think we all feel like we should do the stiff upper lip thing and feel guilty about crying (I am a crier), but actually, a really good sob (multiple good sobs) is really what you NEED (and chocolate/wine!)

• So many people shared their own stories of heart break with me, and it really helped to know they had survived, they were happy, functional people, many in excellent relationships. Obviously, you know the hurt won't last forever, but in the moment it is hard to visualize the end of it. 

Brinny - master Easter egg deliverer
- loving her new home by the sea

• The dogs were even amazing. There was one moment in particular, I was sitting in the lounge and something had made me cry, Brinny (the dog) got up and left the room. When she came back, she was delicately holding an Easter egg in its (undamaged) tinfoil wrapping between her teeth which she dropped at my feet. (There had been marauding monkeys in the kitchen earlier that had abandoned the Easter eggs at a height accessible to her).

Thieving monkeys are still cute!

OK, this is rather a long post for modern attention spans, and I was going to mention some of the positive things I did to make life fabulous again, but I will save that for another post...

Exploring KZN. Oribi Gorge (left top and bottom and wildlife),
Umtumvuna Gorge (Right bottom and with me looking over edge)
Brinny (with cone) and Jill happy to be at the beach.