Bunny hugger

Let's be clear, I do what I do because I want to contribute positively to the world, to environmental and conservation issues (and increasingly, sustainability and fisheries issues).

However, not in a bunny-hugger, tree-hugger, penguin or dolphin (or insert fluffy creature of choice) -hugger way. I believe in science, rational thinking, logical, clear arguments that lead to a decisive plan of action (admittedly this almost never actually happens in science). Some might call me an idealist.  I believe firmly in science,  I have faith in facts - which is funny in a way because of how inconclusive most of my science has been.

I have done what I do because I believe it is making a contribution both to the environment (through management objectives) and to the body of human knowledge... But... I'm not going to lie, I'm so sick of killing things! I did not become a scientist to kill animals! At all! I know rationally that the crabs don't belong in the ecosystem, that the indigenous species will do better in the absence of the crabs (this is especially noticeable in the areas where there's hardly ever bycatch so the crabs are completely dominating that area) but I still feel bad for the poor things. Don't get me wrong, some of them make me less sad to kill than others - blood has been spilled, my blood - but, as a whole, the sheer number of crabs I'm responsible for killing is starting to get me down. I knew that the sardines, anchovy and redeye would have died during the survey with or without my work (in order to reliably set a catch limit for the fishery and form part of a 30+ year data set) but I still felt sad (I actually cried - but don't tell anyone because science is still somewhat of a man's world) when I saw the number of sardines and anchovy they bring up in the nets and them all dying en masse. And my colleagues shook their heads at my wanting to release the bycatch (once recorded) into the sea (it's a multi-storey drop but I had to try!) 

Trouble is, some of them are really quite cute and pretty

I've mentioned this to some of my colleagues, and can tell by the way that they look at me askance that they think I'm being sentimental. Yet, this is not actually a part of me I want to harden (there are parts of me that need to toughen up - like the parts of me that feel sad when the minions don't like me).

On the other hand, I've had fishermen who have asked me what we'll do with the crabs look horrified when I say we'll kill (I say "euthanase") them - fisherman!!! On a good day I'll explain that we can't return crabs that have been in South African waters to Europe because of their exposure to different pathogens and parasites (never mind the expense), but on the one less-than-fabulous day I couldn't help exclaiming: "but you're a fisherman!" It is a bit crazy that my job at the moment is literally to kill off every last individual of a species in Hout Bay Harbour... And because we haven't quite managed to kill them all off yet, we are going to carry on trying for another four weeks. Of course successfully eradicating an invasive marine species in an area would be an amazing achievement and hopefully good for the local crabs, rock lobsters, klipvis and shy sharks that are brave enough to call Hour Bay Harbour home (but not so good for the individual crabs we "euthanase") but I can't help thinking that maybe cleaning up the litter, plastic, oil, diesel etc might actually be more helpful? 

So, keep an eye out for work that will pay me but that doesn't involve killing things and let me know! 

Overly honest CV's

The always appropriate PhD Comics...  He has just handed in.... 

I was looking for the "overly honest methods" article that I read once upon a time, but there are pages of "overly honest scientific methods" articles if you Google and I can't justify reading through them all now... no really, I can't!!! I frequently joke that I should be able to put "neat handwriting" on my CV, because, seriously, it's important - you want me to capture your data. This made me think there are probably pages of "overly honest CV" articles too - I wasn't disappointed, the internet is magical. Again, I really don't have time to actually read the articles, but if you find yourself WAB-ing, please send me the best one you find! (Yes, people keep asking me what I am doing with all my free time, and it turns out, I still don't have any - but I have had two gorgeous weekends off in a row and it has been heavenly despite still being too tired to really do anything!)

Obviously, I have been thinking about my CV a lot recently while I stare into the blinding barrenness of my future. (I thought I had actually written a blog about the CV writing tips I had from one of my departmental icons, but I can't find it so, I guess not?) When I previously handed in my PhD I sent my CV out to many places, and mostly didn't hear anything back (although I have a soft spot for BirdLife International for sending me the nicest rejection letter I have ever had). Occasionally, a company is nice enough to send you an acknowledgement of receipt and rejection, but mostly it feels a little like standing on Table Mountain and throwing paper airplanes of hope into the the void (this is an image from an advert for a product I can't remember that always makes me feel like that's just littering - it might actually be a music video but either way, what are the chances they picked up all the little pieces of paper?)



I have had three interviews, (two real ones and one telephonic - as a phone-phobe that was a nightmare) two of which I didn't hear anything further from. I think that is particularly rude since they have actually met you or spoken to you and given you hope and the added stress of preparing for an interview. Do they not realise that there are people out there (I presume it isn't just me) that will stress about an answer they stumbled for more than a year after the interview, and will wonder how they could have answered "how do you handle conflict" better. (That is one of my least favourite questions, because I honestly try avoid conflict and suspect I am a bit of a push over... although "what are your weaknesses/strengths" is another pothole for me, even though I know that they will ask it every time!!!) 

The thing is, that when they ask me what are my weaknesses, I want to answer that I hate talking to strangers on the phone, that I am terrible at lying, and not even lying, but not answering with anything less than the whole, unabridged truth. (I am not good at secrets, I can keep them, but I am not sure that any good comes of not just being completely honest about things). That I want a job that will allow me to actually have a life (but I will end up working harder than I need to because I have inherited my mom's need to give her whole heart to everything she does.) That I really don't take being moaned at well (I found this out when the minions were whining - but as a plus I didn't cry until after they left) and that I am just not sure I like having to moan at people (I have found this out with the minions too, they are adults - shouldn't they just do their job properly?).



So, just before I go do some unpaid over time, I was wondering how you answer those stock-standard interview questions. What are your weaknesses, strengths and how do you deal with conflict (etc etc)... Please feel free to leave comments :)  

PhewD

I feel like I haven't written a post in ages and have really missed the sympathetic glow of the blog webpage. (Lately the screen has been glaring at me with accusation and judgement... and in this last week it has been shining like a night light keeping me awake past the Cinderella hour). I have had lots of ideas about blogs I want to write, but (in an usually mature decision) the PhD came first. (Let's hope those ideas are still in there and haven't been brain bleached - 'brain bleached' is a term one of the Hout Bay team used, and I love it!!!) 

So, I currently have two copies (only two, because this is a resubmit it only goes back to the one examiner who didn't like it the first time - this does not seem a great strategy to me - and they keep one in the office "just in case") of my shiny PhD v.2.infinity sitting on the desk outside my office (my office, like my flat, my car and my hair, is a total mess - this has been driving me a little crazy in a low-level-simmering way, but if I didn't have time to write my blog I definitely didn't have time to tidy my world.) I am waiting for my saint-like supervisor to read my terse responses to the examiners comments and make them sound elegant. She's really very good at that, and she has also spent the last two days reading through my chapters "one last time". And she still has a smile for me today, she's amazing, but I will try not to gush!  

In fact, there are many amazing people in my world, so I fear that there will be some gushing. I will save that for another post, but it is just awesome, the number of people that called and sent me messages and well wishes, hugs and strength. My heart is swollen. If you can't tell, it is because I am really tired and so all emotion is hiding under a blanket pretending to sleep. (It feels like it has been a really long time since I have seen my friends in Cape Town, and I have really really missed them. I am so excited by the prospect of having a social life again, pretty please!!) 

So, hold thumbs for me, send happy thoughts to the one examiner who I REALLY REALLY hope is having a good day when he looks at it again and I shall post again soon. 

PS

Am I really the person that would write this sentence: "The ontogenetic effects of the incorporation of elements into the otolith is likely to vary among different species". It doesn't sound at all like something I would say and yet there it is in writing. Much of the PhD is like that, I look at it and wonder where it came from!