Perks of unemployment

a book about how difficult
it is to find your dream job
 - well, sort of... 

Being unemployed sucks (I know that's not the title of the blog - I will get there). It is scary, demoralizing and frustrating. (I definitely thought I would be saving the world by now.) You have no idea when it will end, your bank account misses the days when money went in and not just out out out (and this is with very limited spending thanks to awesome family). You don't have medical aid (eek, although I feel almost rebellious without it, and I have very few moments of rebellion). You can't make future plans because you don't know where you will be in 6 months time (I am looking for work ANYWHERE in the world).

So good, but so sad

It is also frustrating that your poor CV has to carry the burden of introducing you to complete strangers and convincing them that you really are awesome (because of course I am). It is shyly being sent to the far flung places in the world, and more often than not you don't even get told if it got there. Personally, I am also not sure what level to pitch my CV at, is it really true that you don't have to tick ALL the requirements, or am I wasting their time if I haven't explicitly worked on Zebrafish? 

Totally oversold -
this is not a romantic
story. 

There are also the hermit-inspiring questions: "What are you doing now?" and "What are you going to do next?" (Not to mention the stories about the awesome jobs OTHER people have found - although I promise I really am happy for them!) All of this makes life vaguely terrifying. 

BUT, I am a silver lining, bubbles and whimsy kind of girl - at least on Fridays. There are good things about being unemployed.*

LOVELY. Emilio was
my first crush (in
Young Guns II)

I was genuinely exhausted and run down when I finished my PhD , so a bit  of a break is a gift from the universe (do you hear that universe? Only a BIT) and so are the vitamin B injections. I have time to do yoga and not spend Savasana thinking about how I should be writing my thesis (that doesn't mean I am actually able to think about nothing yet). I have time to play with the dogs and play dress up with my wonderful nieces. 

I have also had time to indulge in my all-time-favourite thing - reading. At times during my PhD I had to ban  my self from reading because I get very resentful of having to do anything else when I am in the middle of a good book. Now I have been able to gleefully indulge in book after book. (The book I have just finished was of course a Terry Pratchett - "Snuff" - because it was the best way to cope with the very sad news of him passing away last week, I am not ashamed to say there were tears). 

Just coincidence I also
read this TP this month

I have also (and I say this with some trepidation) had time to try writing a little children's story of my own. It of course includes limpets and sardines because there really should be more books that do. This is a real luxury because it a completely self indulgent thing to do and when does one have time to just write for the whole day? (Unfortunately not in my pajamas drinking champagne**).  I am struggling a little with what should happen next, unfortunately, so maybe champagne would help. I have even spent some time trying to figure out how to draw cartoon faces - for illustrating the book - although I suspect these will only ever see the inside of my notebook. 

Life is better now!

Of course, the reality is, most of my time is spent trawling the internet for possible job openings. This and applying for the tiny proportion that is appropriate takes up an extraordinary amount of time. This is particularly true when you have to fill in the applications online. (And I still have papers that need to be published looming over my shoulder). But one of the good things about searching for jobs in conservation and fisheries is that the internet searches bring you to amazing organisations that are doing really cool things. There are organisations that I have never heard of that are doing exactly what I think needs to be done in the world. There are people that are truly inspiring that I hope to be like one day. (For example: Check out "The Center for Biological Diversity" and the amazing things "Zoological Society of London" are doing and many other cool things that are happening including the discovery of lots of new species by WoRMs). 

This made me Fernweh

Read it! 

While I was chatting to one inspirational person doing cool work I noticed on her wall a sign that said:

"I just want to save animals, drink wine and take naps"

My sign would read:

"I just want to save animals, drink wine and read books - but - could someone please pay me to do so"^

*I suspect this is only true if you have an amazingly generous family, that are willing to feed you, like I do. 

** This is a Terry Pratchett reference, from Snuff #

# I guess including footnotes is also a Terry Pratchett inspired thing, especially when you have footnotes that have footnotes. 

^My sister rightly suggested that reading is way better than napping - napping tends to make me grumpy. 

What is your weakness? Interviews?

Shumba

I have a confession… I hadn’t really planned on telling people about this because if nothing came of it I wanted to avoid the sympathetic head tilts. I do really hate the head tilts – unless it is Shumba that is giving them to me, because he is just so pretty he can get away with almost anything. Of course anyone who has spent time with me (particularly when wine is involved) will know that I am very bad at keeping my own (I really can keep your secrets don’t worry) secrets anyway.

Meet Marmalade - he pretends he wants
you to stroke him, but really he wants to
dig his claws into you - not the sort you
want to interview you. 

OK, now I am worried this is too much of a build-up, REALLY, it wasn’t a big deal, I just had an interview on Monday, which is kind of a big deal because as you know I am currently looking for a job. I have only actually had 5 interviews before this (EVER) and none of them had gone well, so I have mostly gotten myself into the frame of mind that I am bad at interviews. That and my general self-confidence took a real knock with the whole PhD thing.

The first was for an internal position I knew that I could do better than anyone else, and that didn’t go well because I expected them to know that too. I also found out how much I was going to get paid and decided it wasn’t really worth my time and asked them not to consider me for the position (I am not a snob, I have at various times worked hard for very little money – but I knew what kind of time commitment this job required and I couldn’t justify it). I did get the runner up prize, a different position with fewer hours and an hourly rate that actually suited me better.

Benji 

The second interview was for a youth-leadership program (within a political party), but I don’t have that “RA RA” personality that I think they were looking for – I really am more of a “do-er” than a “let’s discuss in an opinionated way what needs to be done” sort. Anyway, having recently watched the SONA I am glad to distance myself from the political sorts. The third was a telephone interview for a position that would have been really interesting. I worked really hard on that one – read papers, did research and was quite excited about it. It didn’t work out, but if I think about it, it wasn’t really for me and I know I am not that good on the phone.

The fourth was awful and I was actually choking up on the phone to my mom before it because I didn’t want to work there, but I didn’t feel like I had the option to be choosy. It was a horrible interview. I try to forget about it. The fifth was my dream job. I say that, running the risk of potential future employers seeing this. Eeekkk. And because it turns out that potential future employers have looked at my blog, I will refrain from saying it remains in my top 3 places of work. Alas, I didn’t hear anything. I was heartbroken.

Marmalade again

Which brings me to this interview: I was nervous, of course, I did the required research, of course, and I think it went OK. It was a Skype interview which was a first for me and a little awkward because I could see the funny facial expressions I pull and they had their camera kind of pointing at the empty wall so I was talking to invisible people for at least some of the time. It is an exciting opportunity that I won’t tell you about too much because I haven’t had any feedback yet (and now you know that you can give me wine and I will tell you, so I will hold out and let you buy the wine). If nothing else comes out of it, I am glad that I had this interview. It made the whole interview experience less terrifying for me because there were such nice people on the other side of the camera (when I could see them). I didn’t feel like they were trying to trick me or catch me out. They had read my CV (and – blush – some of my blog) and were really nice.

Jill 

So, this rather long preamble is to say that when people tell you that just the experience of having an interview is a good thing, it is really true. It turns out that when I was terrible at an interview – it wasn’t that I am terrible, it was that it wasn’t a good fit. (Although being almost in tears before an interview because you don’t want to work there should have been enough of a sign that it wasn’t a good fit). Whether or not I get this job, I know that I genuinely have good qualifications, varied experiences and worth and if you are reading about how to survive a PhD, then you probably do too (or you are friends with me, and then you definitely do). And the right fit might just come along (OH how I hate it when people say that to me!)

PS They said I would hear on Wednesday, but obviously I haven’t heard, is there a consensus on whether or not it is rude to send a polite email asking? It has (within South Africa) geographical implications for me after all. 

The weird things we do for...

Money! 

Of course! I am a post graduate student and have been for so long that I am likely to scratch your eyes out if you ask me how long (OK, I won't actually scratch your eyes out, but I might want to, and isn't that just as bad? So, Rather don't ask!) The one thing that most post grads have in common is a lack of money. (Unless they are really lucky and have awesome funding). We also have flexible schedules (I have discussed what this actually means) which means that we can squeeze random extra work in and make it up late at night or on the weekend, and, because we don't have any money, we are willing to do so! 

I have worked some weird jobs over the years. And, since I am hoping to start another (short-term but full-time) job (oh yes, I will be finishing my PhD late at night and on the weekends) shortly I thought I would reminisce and (probably) make you feel better about whatever work you are moaning about now. (There were some things that I did really enjoy, but I suspect they would still seem a little bizarre to non-biologists). 

Most bizarre: 

In undergrad I spent 100 hours sorting worms (and other invertebrates, but mostly worms) from Lake Victoria for a post grad that I can't even remember the name of. The worms were stored in Formalin, and to this day I believe that, after that work, my hands get wrinkled in water quicker than they did before. The money did help pay for a trip to the UK back in the day when you could fly there and back for ~R5000. 

Worst:

I can't think about work without thinking about how awful this job was and not just because it had nothing to do with biology. When a new shopping centre in Cape Town's northern suburbs opened up, they hired students to wear red overalls and be on hand to show people around or tell people where everything was. I was one of those red overalls. I know this doesn't seem particularly awful, does it? Shifts were 12 hours long, and we were paid (I think only just but possibly a little below) minimum wage. We weren't allowed to sit, or lean against the wall on threat of being fired. The centre turned people crazy and they took it out on the red overalls, swearing, being generally rude and one girl actually had someone kick her when the lift went down instead of up. It was chaos! Needless to say I have never been back to that shopping centre, nor have I worked for those "student recruiting" organisations again - although handed out fliers at traffic lights wasn't too bad and I was proposed to by a random while do a Clicks promotion. 

What I would actually do for free:

I could easily have a post that lists the things that I have done for free, I am a compulsive volunteer, but thankfully this is something I get paid for but still feel passionate about: promoting the Marine Stewardship Council (MSC). Although on a school day morning at the aquarium with children every where shouting and singing (you know what children are like when they are having fun - dreadful! - kidding!) I am pleased I get paid. It gets tiresome saying the word "sustainable" over and over again but it is an important word to say. I also love the fact that something like the MSC or SASSI program puts the power in the hand of the consumer to choose to buy sustainably and therefore encourage more fisheries to be responsible. I look really awful in this video but this is the message (I had no warning that someone was going to film me, I was pretty horrified). Incidentally, I tried to volunteer for SASSI when they first started up, but it didn't work out and it remains in my top 3 dream places to work.

What I would most recommend:

And actually what I am doing now: housesitting. You can work on the PhD while getting paid a little for looking after a house. Perfect. And, if there is a lovely kitty to sit on your lap while you drink tea in the really cold weather, or a sweet little dog to take on walks on sunny days, even better. The downside is that you don't have your stuff easily accessible and I worry a little about my own home so tend to go check up on it from time to time, and houses are colder than flats but otherwise it is good, and a change in scenery is as good as a holiday, right?

What has helped me survive with no funding for 18 months:

A friend was doing pretty intensive field work on mussels, and without that money I would have been eating two-minute noodles for the last two years. We had to install cages on the rocky shore (diesel generator and drilling into rocks between waves - pretty exciting stuff), check the cages and cleared patches (between waves, also exciting), and finally remove the cages (rusted screws - fun!) But actually it was really lovely to be on the rocky shore doing hands on experimental biology on a beautiful shore and working with friends is always a good thing. But I have mentioned this work before.






The other fairly constant supply of money has been from demonstrating for the second year practical sessions. The added bonus with that is I find I probably learn more than they do because I don't need to know it for exams, I just find it interesting. I really enjoy the interaction with the second years; sitting in an office working at a computer can get lonely and I love their (some of them, anyway) optimism and enthusiasm for science (before the PhD cynicism kicks in, these kids still think they can change the world). 

(PS my awesome family and friends have helped me out in so many ways that I would never have managed over the last 18 months without them!!!)

Lastly, my favourite:

Last year, I worked for a marine consulting group in Cape Town on a short term contract. For once I felt like the work I was doing was real and important. It felt like a useful project and I loved the applied nature of it. There was a whole different way of writing that it took me some to get used to but it was interesting and challenging and frustrating and I loved that for a little while I felt like I wasn't just a student doing odd jobs to have money for food (and, let's be honest, wine...) There was also a lot of weird bureaucracy so that's why I am not mentioning the name of the company or the details of the work. 

Student T Tests

Kirstenbosch gardens have some lovely spots for
thinking about nothing other than the sounds of
the birds and insects 

I have some amazing and generous people in my life and have recently been spoilt with extravagant gifts for my birthday and am frequently spoilt with delicious dinners. One of the most frustrating things about being a (poor) PhD student is that I can't return the gesture.


When I am in Cape Town, many of my friends are in similar situations as I am. This means that they understand the erratic hours, the lack of finances and the occasional existential crisis. They send me job adverts, and I return the favour. They understand the power of a well-timed chocolate or glass of wine (or dinner invitation).

We do PhD's (in biology) because we believe ourselves to be passionate about the environment, sustainability, knowledge and the constant desire to gain a little more understanding of the world - and - because we weren't sure that we could get a job in biology without one. We are (mostly) stumped by the idea of tax returns and marvel at the prospect of owning property (although it does happen) or having a pension plan (not that that doesn't keep us up at night).

Catching crabs in Sea Point

My favourite project so far.
I loved being so independent and
self sufficient. 

I did one of my BSc(Hons) projects on the invasive alien European green crab, Carcinus maenas, and you can imagine how I was teased about working on crabs... Feel free to snigger to yourself before you move on. Still, this was truly my favourite project in my post graduate career. I really loved that I could just get on and do it and that I knew what I was doing most of the time. (It also resulted in neat paper which I am quite proud of.) 

When I saw an advert looking for people to help a Stellenbosch University PhD student (who's supervisor is just lovely and someone I really respect and admire) with field work looking for these crabs, I was really quite excited to sign up. I have an almost compulsive need to sign up for things anyway, which has its pros and cons. 

So, last weekend in addition to helping my friend Z with her mussel field work I started doing crab work again. (Incidentally, my second BSc(Hons) project was on one the species of invasive mussels that Z is working on and while I loved that project too it was never published, but it did take me to some of the most beautiful places on the west coast of SA and, I think, one of the main reasons I can now count a truly awesome person among my genuinely fabulous friends). 

One of Z's field sites
and one of the locations used in TV series, Black Pearl

There are three reasons that I sign up to do these things: 1) Even though the pay isn't great, it is more than I would have without it, 2) I know how hard it is to find reliable people to with field work, so this is my way of earning "research karma" points and 3) most importantly the best thing about doing biology is the bit that happens outside so I like the excuse to step away from my PC and get into the field. 

I think it doesn't really matter what it is that you do, it is important to occasionally remind yourself why you do it. It is so easy to get bogged down in the detail that you forget about the big picture. I didn't study biology to learn how to use R (multivariate statistics in R are giving my a headache this week), although R is a useful tool for doing biology. I do biology to understand how tiny bits of the world work and because the world is a beautiful, fascinating place! (Actually, to be completely honest, I do biology to try understand the world in the hope of contributing to conservation and rational, knowledge-based bunny hugging). 

Silwerstroom 

So, for me anyway, I find it helps to step outside and be fascinated by the world I want so desperately to protect. On Saturday, at Blouberg Beach, in between looking for green crabs, I found a (different) crab the size of a R2 coin, still soft from moulting. On Sunday, at Sea Point, in the beds of sea lettuce (Ulva sp) I saw hundreds of cushion stars at densities I haven't seen in ages. Marvelling at these small treasures (chitons, brittle stars, starfish, anenomes, tube worms and there were many more) are what make working in the field, in biology so exciting. That renewed enthusiasm for all things marine has helped get me through my multivariate headaches - well, that and wine at the pub last night... 

I definitely recommend finding what it is that you love about what you do (your work, not what you do to avoid your work) and indulging in it from time to time... 

P.S. It helped that the weather this weekend was stunning and so it was actually quite nice being knee deep in Cape Town waters, I am not sure how much I will be oozing enthusiasm when I have to do this in winter... Although, there is something satisfying about feeling like a hardcore biologist... 

Interesting Article

A couple of friends have posted this article in The Guardian about mental health issues in academia on their Facebook pages. I thought it worth sharing and have also shared some of my thoughts... 

Wow, this article is all about how PhDs can go severely wrong. I know that since I started my PhD I have changed, I am less confident somehow (having not started out with a wealth of confidence this is a problem) and have become a little more cynical and defensive. I know it has affected my health (and bank balance - doctors are expensive - particularly specialists) and I have recently been accused of being negative which is something I would never have thought myself capable of before. I know I preferred my rose-tinted, optimistic view of the world, and that my shades are a little darker than before (actually, I don't have shades at the moment because the ones I won in 2007 are too scratched to wear now and my PhD had definitely affected my bank balance to the point of not being able to buy new ones). This is why this blog is about rediscovering the "bubbles and whimsy" in life and looking for the positive in things. I know that while I haven't slept under my desk there are people close to me that have, and I have definitely pulled all-nighters. I know that I feel guilty for NOT working EVERY weekend, and when I am socialising I don't enjoy it as much as I used to because I feel like I should be working. And, funny thing, I like to think that I am quite well balanced, love life (mostly) and am lucky in my supervisors... I have definitely not had it as bad as many people and certainly not as bad as the people in the article. 

So read the article and see what you think. Maybe we can encourage similar programs in other universities. (UCT does offer student counselling as part of their student wellness services).